Clandestine
by lv63
Summary: Lamb's death was faked. When the truth is revealed Veronica goes to see him and a secret relationship is formed. Rated M in later chapters. Final chapter is up!
1. Foreword: The Problem with Clandestine

Clandestine (1/?)  
Chapter title: Foreword/The Problem with Clandestine  
Rating: PG-13 for this part. up to NC-17 for the rest  
Summary: Lamb's death was faked. When the truth is revealed Veronica goes to see him and a secret relationship is formed.

Characters/Pairing: Veronica/Lamb, Keith  
Spoilers: entire series but AU from 3x14  
Word Count: 634  
Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars, Romeo and Juliet, Lancelot and Guinevere, Heloise and Abelard, Paris and Helen, Marc Antony and Cleopatra or Tristan and Isolde.

This story is based on a fic request from Sweetpea2100!

A/N: I am posting both the foreword and prologue today for this!

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Clandestine.

Clandestine is defined as: needing to be concealed, usually because it is illegal or unauthorized; secret.

And more often than not, it's followed by one of two words; affair or romance.

So the best way to describe it is by saying that it is a relationship held by two people in secret, who cannot otherwise be together. And in my humble opinion doomed from the start, but like I said, that's only my opinion.

Or in the words of my daughter at the ripe old age of 8, "two stupid people who care way too much about what other people think." As if it's not common knowledge, my daughter is and always has been anything but typical for her age group.

And this seemed to be a conversation we had often since many of the world's most well known and loved couples were involved in said relationships. To name a few; Romeo and Juliet, Lancelot and Guinevere, Heloise and Abelard, Paris and Helen, and Marc Antony and Cleopatra.

Back in her younger days before the world turned her into the cynical and jaded young woman I still love beyond words, she used to love it when I read to her about them. She'd make fun of them sure, but I could always tell that she delighted in the romantic aspect of the tales.

It came down to something simple for her. They were about two people who loved each other more than anyone or anything else and refused to set that love aside. It's a love that I believe she spent the majority of her teen years, whether she will admit it or not, looking for.

Her favorite story was that of Tristan and Isolde. There are so many versions of their romance available and I think I read them all, but there was one that she by far favored.

In one of the more poetic versions of the story, two trees, one hazel and one honeysuckle, sprout from the graves of the young lovers. The branches of the trees intertwine so that they can never be parted. And even though King Mark makes 3 attempts to cut them apart, each time they grow back and join again.

Its funny when I look back now, because I should have seen it, should have understood why that story spoke to her so much, but then I'm not even sure she knew until she was older.

But those two trees, symbols of two people whose love was so strong it could not be parted even in death. Well it mirrors the connection between my daughter and one man in particular, no matter what, they always ended up back at the beginning with each other and nothing not even hate, or greed, or cruelty could erase their love.

And although I should have seen it, I'm happy I didn't. Because it would have caused me nothing but pain.

Because the main problem with clandestine romances is that once again more often than not, it ends with blood, for one, or both of them.

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Thanks for Reading! Review Please!

And enjoy chapter 2 which is up now as well!!


	2. Giving In

Clandestine (2/?)  
Chapter title: Prologue/ Giving In  
Rating: NC-17  
Summary:Lamb's death was faked. When the truth is revealed Veronica goes to see him and a secret relationship is formed.

Characters/Pairing: Veronica/Lamb, (mentions of Lilly, Keith, Sacks and many others)  
Spoilers: entire series but AU from 3X14  
Word Count: 2419  
Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars.

This story is based on a fic request from Sweetpea2100!

A/N: So I didn't originally have smut in this chapter, just an allusion to it, but I was feeling inspired this morning. So if it isn't any good I'm sorry, normally I edit the hell out of my smutty chapters. Definitely not the case with this one.

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Don't ask me when it started because I can't answer that question.

Mainly because I don't really know….and well, because it was kind of always there.

And it never really ended, just got delayed or pushed to the back burner, so I can't really say that it started **again** either.

I guess the best way to describe it is to say that I was born loving her and she was born loving me. And the fact that I didn't know her until I was 18 years old doesn't matter, because I can't remember a time that I didn't love her and I know she feels the same way.

We spent 6 years as friends and buddies, and for the first 3 years I had no idea that what I was feeling was love, but when it hit me, it hit me hard and I was scared to death. She was 13 and I was 21 and it was so far from ok that I spent my days in utter fear of my boss' shotgun.

But what made it worse was that I knew she felt it too. There was something there, a connection of sorts. We were born to be together. There was no denying it.

I waited for another three years before I finally voiced the feelings I was having, I hadn't needed to, I knew she was aware of them, but I couldn't wait anymore, I needed her to know. So on her 16th birthday, when all of her friends were out around the pool and Keith and Lianne were bickering in the garage, I pulled her into her room and told her how I felt, and when she happily reciprocated, I kissed her.

It wasn't her first kiss, I knew that, and not from her technique, but because that was just the way we were, there was nothing we didn't tell each other. It was full disclosure and I think when I look back now that it was a preemptive thing, if we already knew there would be no unfortunate surprises.

She kissed me back, molding her body to mine as my arms wrapped around her and before I knew it, we were on her bed, both of us with our shirts off and my hand was on the button of her pants. I'd looked her straight in the eye and saw love, the love that had always been there and I fused my mouth back to hers, popped the button and pulled down the zipper. When my finger entered her, her breath hitched and she winced from my touch. A touch I knew she'd never felt before and my heart sped up at the thought that I was the first to grace her tight warmth.

My thumb had just brushed over her clit and we were both lost in each other when we heard the door knob turn. I'd never been so thankful for locks than I was in that moment. We quickly redressed and I hid in her closet as she opened the door and Lilly walked through. And as Lilly yanked her out the door she turned back to me with longing in her eyes. I just smiled; it was my assurance to her that what had happened was far from over.

I'd really wanted to keep that promise. I really really had.

But best intentions and promises have no place in politics and feuding. And three months later I was no longer welcome at her home, and even as much as I wanted her to be, I couldn't let her be welcome in mine. The lines had been drawn and we were on opposite sides. It was like the civil war of Neptune, brothers, sisters, friends and lovers all on different sides.

I don't think I ever hated **her**. I think what I hated was that she wasn't mine anymore. So I took out my anger on her every chance I got. And the next thing I knew it had been 4 years and we'd grown so far apart that I could barely even feel the connection anymore. And it was a horrible feeling because even when we were snarking and doing dastardly deeds to each other I could always feel it and I knew she could too, so when it started to fade, it hurt.

I began to wonder if we had taken it too far. If we had ruined our shot with each other.

I'd done a lot of things I wasn't proud of where it came to her, most of which haunted me all day and night, like the sight of her in that ripped white dress. I still shuddered to think about that and the way I'd treated her. And now, when I look back I think, and I know this is no excuse, but I think I was so angry at her for going to that fucking party, jealous that someone else had touched her and pissed for that same reason that I just took it out on her. It was the one thing I was sure she'd never forgive me for.

And things just stayed that way. We spent 4 and a half years bickering and snarking and tearing into each other like it was America's favorite past time. And in all honesty, it maybe wasn't America's, but it was ours.

And then…

I almost died.

I spent 6 months in an LA hospital trying to regain full use of my right arm and stop the muscle spasms, but in the end I was almost like new. I still had the shakes every once in awhile but they were minor and the day they released me Sacks showed up and took me home.

I'd been seeing a lot of him. He visited every few days and brought me news from the outside. What he didn't tell me was that they faked my death. I didn't find that out until 2 weeks before I was released.

I was relieved when he told me because I'd been devastated that she hadn't even stopped by to see me, Keith had been by multiple times, it was always awkward but he came, and he had never once mentioned her. So I was pretty much convinced that she didn't want me in her life and even a near death experience wouldn't change her mind. So when Sacks gave me the news, my heart swelled with hope.

Now that I was being released the information would be revealed, apparently there had been a huge take down with Vinnie Van Lowe and the Fitzpatricks and Keith was acting as sheriff until I was fit to take back the office. But I wasn't in a hurry and to be honest I didn't care, job or no job, apartment or no apartment the only thing on my mind was forgiveness...hers that is.

When Sacks got me home he helped me get settled, he'd even gone to the store for me and stocked my fridge and cupboards and when it was obvious that I was ready to rest he left me alone. It was good to be home, beyond good.

I laid back on my couch and fell asleep quickly.

I don't know how long I was out, but I do know that when I woke up, I wasn't alone. She was sitting in my arm chair staring at me, almost like she was waiting for me to do a double back flip or some sort of trick.

I sat up and returned her gaze noticing for the first time that her eyes were red and it looked like she'd been crying. I wanted to hold her but didn't want to push it. So I sat there and waited for her to talk, it didn't take long.

She clasped her hands together and lowered her head. "They told me you were dead."

I nodded even though she couldn't see me. "So I hear. I didn't know until recently Veronica. I'm sorry if it caused you any pain, if I caused you…." I knew I just needed to do it, this was my chance and it might be my **only** chance. "I'm sorry."

She looked up at me then, surprise evident on her face. "What?"

I bit the bullet then, I rose from the couch, walked over to her, kneeled in front of her and grabbed her hands half expecting her to pull away and when she didn't, I inwardly celebrated. "I'm sorry for every shitty thing I said or did. I didn't mean any of it. And fuck, if I could take it back… be like we were, I would, you have to know I would."

She sat there for a few seconds before she responded. "I thought you were dead."

Ok, we were going backwards now. I went to speak but she stopped me. "I spent 6 months mourning you in private, pretending to be ok, be happy, I spent 4 months dating a guy that I didn't even like because I thought you were gone and that I needed to find someone else. And I've spent the last two days trying to figure out exactly when it was that I forgave you, because I don't know when I did, but I did. And I'm sorry too. For the things I did to you."

I brought my hand to her cheek. "I forgave you for those a long time ago Mars."

I wasn't expecting any of this, but I was beyond happy. And then she did something really unexpected, she leaned in and kissed me.

So I kissed her back.

When I pulled her to me she slid off the chair and into my lap, her legs wrapping around my waist as our tongues fought for dominance. Her body arched into mine as I removed my lips from hers and left a trail of kisses from her jaw line down to her collarbone and back up to her pulse point. She moaned my name and bucked her hips when I bit her lightly. "Lamb."

And with that I slowly stood up, her body still wrapped around mine and moved towards the bedroom. Within two steps her shirt was gone, followed by mine and then her bra. By the time we made it to my bedroom door I wasn't sure I was even gonna make it the next 10 feet as she kept bucking against my raging hard on. So I shoved her against the wall and pressed my body against hers as I ripped open the button and zipper on her pants and shoved my hand inside.

When my first finger entered her we both shuddered and she moaned again arching her naked chest against mine. And as I began moving my finger inside of her, I cupped her right breast, kissed her hard on the lips and then moved my mouth to her left nipple. She gasped as it took it between my teeth and she pulled me closer. "Oh god! Need you now."

Fuck, I was pretty sure I needed her more, but I also knew I wasn't going to last long and I really wanted to make this good for her. I added a second finger and she angled down pressing both of my digits into her further, the palm of my hand applying pressure to her clit. "God baby, you're so tight."

She moaned at my words and when her tiny hand came down and cupped me I groaned her name. "Fuck Veronica! Feel so good."

As I brought my lips back to hers, my fingers still working her and my hand still massaging her bare breast, she unbuckled my belt and undid my pants, using her legs to push them down as best she could.

Pushing back slightly, but still close enough to keep my lips on hers, I removed the hand from her breast and slid them down the rest of the way letting my boxers join them. And as I kicked them off my feet I placed my left hand under her ass, my right hand still thrusting inside her warm wet pussy and finally moved us to the bed.

When I dropped her onto the mattress I wasted no time ripping her pants from her body and sending her panties to join them. And before I knew it, my cock had replaced my fingers and I'd hit home.

She gasped and cried out as I entered her and I couldn't contain my groan as her body enveloped me. "God, Veronica, I've wanted this for so long."

"Me too. Oh God! Me too!"

As I started to move her walls began to contract and clutched me inside of her and with a twist of my hips she was over the edge, crying out in ecstasy.

With her arms and legs trapping me against her body and her warm pussy convulsing around me I knew I was about done. My movements became erratic and short and we both started to moan as I moved my hand between us and pressed onto her sensitive nub. And when she came, I followed her immediately crushing her to me and yelling her name at the same time as she dug her nails into my back and screamed mine.

Round one may have been short but it was phenomenal none the less. And after a few moments of rest round two was even more mind-blowing than the first.

An hour later we were laying in my bed with our naked limbs tangled in each other and she was resting her head on my chest as I stroked her back lightly. It was probably….no it **was**, the greatest night of my life.

I was half asleep and totally at peace when her voice brought me back to Earth. "What do you say we keep this to ourselves for a while? Let the fallout from your resurrection die down a little. "

I sat up and pushed her onto her back, hovering my body over hers. "Are you saying you want me Mars?"

She nodded but looked nervous. "Only if you want me."

I smiled and kissed her deeply. "Always have, always will. And if you want this to be a clandestine romance that's fine with me it kind of always has been. But someday Veronica Mars, the whole world is gonna know about you and me."

She smiled and wrapped her arms around me tight. "I hope that someday comes soon."

"So do I."

So I don't know when it began. But I do know when we finally gave in.

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To be continued................

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Thanks for reading! Review Please!!


	3. Proud

**Clandestine (3/?)**  
**Chapter title: Proud**  
**Rating: NC-17**  
**Summary: Lamb's death was faked. When the truth is revealed Veronica goes to see him and a secret relationship is formed.**

**Characters/Pairing: Veronica/Lamb**  
**Spoilers: entire series but AU from 3X14**  
**Word Count: 3758**  
**Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars**

**This story is based on a fic request from Sweetpea2100!**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted and/or favorited this fic!!!**

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Having a secret relationship is a lot easier to do than I originally thought it would be. Especially since said relationship is with none other than Veronica Mars.

But that's the funny thing; it's easy **because** it's with her. She is sneaky as hell; I really never even had inkling as to the full extent of her sneakiness.

Flat out….the girl is good. In **way** more ways than one.

She can even get past her father and that was something that until recently I thought was an impossible feat.

She's been living in an apartment with her friend Mac since the summer after her freshman year at Hearst, so her dad doesn't know that she spends the majority of her nights in a bed that is not her own. She always parks in the apartment complex behind mine so that no one sees her car if they drive by. And she walks through the tree covered courtyard and enters in through my patio door for the same reason. No one sees her come, well except me, and no one sees her go.

I am constantly in awe of her. But more than anything, I'm the happiest that I've ever been. And as amazed as I am by the ease of our clandestine relationship, I getting anxious to take it public.

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After 6 months of therapy and disability leave, the doctors cleared me to return to work. But faced with the reality of resuming the responsibilities required as sheriff, I wasn't so sure that I was ready.

Having been so close to dying and then feeling so redeemed once I returned home, I really felt that Balboa County deserved better.

Of course Veronica disagreed; she said that now that I knew I'd done wrong that I wouldn't make the same mistake again. And as grateful as I was to her for that, I still wasn't convinced.

In the end after a long meeting with the mayor and Keith we came to an agreement. Keith would become the chief of police and I would return to my post as sheriff. I would have less responsibility and the man that truly deserved my job wouldn't be tossed out on his ass again.

After the meeting I'd gone home completely exhausted.

I'd been up late with Veronica the night before and Keith and I had spent the rest of the day setting up my new office and going over specifics. So when I walked in the door to my apartment at 10PM I by-passed the kitchen and my oh so comfortable couch and flat screen, opting for the comfort of my California king.

I knew Veronica would be there at some point, but I was so tired that I just couldn't bring myself to wait up, she had a key and knew she was welcome whenever, so I wasn't worried as my head hit the pillow and I drifted off to a much needed sleep.

It was a few hours later that I felt a slight weight on the left side of my bed and opened my eyes, first to the clock, 1AM, and then to my guest.

She was sitting on the bed Indian style, fully clothed with her elbows resting on her knees and her chin in the palms of her hands. I smiled and sighed, god she was beautiful and the sight of her in my bedroom would never get old.

I sat up and moved my legs sitting the same way and faced her.

She blushed slightly as I moved revealing my nakedness and my smile grew. We'd been together for 6 months, spent almost every night in each other's arms, most of them naked and she still blushed when she saw me or I saw her. It was just one of the things that made me love her and my smile grew.

She had a look on her face that I couldn't quite place, but she didn't seem agitated, she seemed...happy, so I wasn't worried. I leaned in for a kiss which she happily returned and when I pulled back she grabbed my hands.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I hadn't told Veronica anything abut my idea. Not that I didn't want to, but I was afraid she might try to talk me out of it and I'd made up my mind. And it's not that I didn't value her opinion, I valued it over everything else, but I really wanted to do this on my own, it was another step in the direction of me deserving her.

I shook my head and smiled. "I wanted you to be surprised." Which was true.

She moved closer to me on the bed so that our knees were touching and brought my hands to her mouth kissing them both. "I was, so was my dad. You should have seen him tonight. He was practically singing your praises."

I caulked my head exactly like she was prone to do and she giggled. "Ok, so maybe not singing your praises but he was impressed, said that you were becoming the man you used to be."

And god if that didn't just make my night, well even more than it had already been made by her showing up. "Wow. That's…..wow."

She nodded. "Yeah, babe, that's something."

I leaned in kissing her again and then trailed my lips down her jaw line and into the crook of her neck, she let out a small sigh and I had to will my erection to not make an appearance. When I retreated from her oh so kissable skin I took in her appearance. Even in the darkness I could see her flushed skin and the wanton look in her eye. I removed one of my hands from hers and cupped her cheek. "And what do you think?"

She took a deep breath and looked straight in my eyes. "Honestly?"

"Always."

She uncrossed her legs then, settling them over mine and cupped my face with both hands. "I have never been so proud of you…."

And just like that my heart melted. No one had ever told me they were proud of me. I'd spent the first 18 years of my life in the foster care system where encouragement was sorely lacking. And when I met Keith at the age of 18 and he convinced me to become a deputy and work for him, I made friends and acquaintances but had still never heard those words. Not even from Keith himself, sure I'd felt it from him in the years before Lilly's death, but I'd never **heard** it from him. And to finally hear it, from her of all people….god, it was like the epitome of contentment. My life was complete, Veronica Mars was proud of me. I actually had to hold back the tears.

She'd kept talking just telling me how proud she was, and how much my choice meant to her and her dad. And that I was becoming the most amazing man she had ever met. And I'd been listening, absorbing everything as best I could as my floored mind tried to come to terms with the amazing moment. And then my mind just stopped when she said something else. Something amazing, something spectacular and something that I would never forget as long as I lived.

"God, I love you so much."

My heart pounded and I felt dizzy for a second. She'd never said the words before, not even when I confessed my feelings to her when she was 16, she had said and I quote 'I feel the same way about you.' And since we had gotten together she had always made it clear in her actions and on the occasions I said it to her she would smile and kiss me saying something like ditto (how very Patrick Swayze I always joked with her) or you too, or right back at ya. But never; I love you too, or without prompting.

But this was her, telling me **on her own** that she loved me. The words coming directly from her mouth with no prompting from me, and if I thought the fact that she was proud of me was a big deal, well fuck this was, this was, I don't even know how to describe it, and it was 1000 times the proud feeling.

It took me a second to get my mind to restart and when it did I looked back at her. She seemed nervous, probably because I hadn't commented yet and god, if I thought she was beautiful before…it was nothing compared to how she looked after telling me she loved me.

I connected my lips with hers kissing her deeply and when I pulled back she was smiling again and it was a beautiful sight. "I love you too Veronica, you have no idea how much and you have no idea how much it means to me to hear you feel the same or that you are proud of me. No one has ever been proud of me."

Her eyes shone in the dark and she smirked as she pulled herself fully into my lap, wrapping her legs and arms around me and pressing against me. "I'm always proud of you Don Lamb and nothing is going to change that."

God it was like a drug and the words made me shudder. "I'm always proud of you as well and I'm going to love you forever. Nothing on this earth will be able to stop me."

She kissed me again and then moved her lips to my ear. "Nothing can stop me from loving you either."

With her words my hands instinctively went to her waist and pulled her closer. She arched her body against mine and my right hand closed over her left breast eliciting a small sigh from her.

I wanted her; I wanted to make love to her, now that the words had been said I wanted us to prove it to each other. We always made love, no matter how rough or needy it was I was always making love to her, but this time we would be proving the words we'd just spoken.

I brought my hands to the hem of her shirt and lifted it off of her as she raised her arms to allow it to pass. I tossed the unneeded garment on the floor and circled my arms around her back, pulling her towards me and lowering my lips to her lace covered mounds, taking a taut nipple into my mouth and sucking hard.

Veronica shifted in my lap and I was no longer able to control my body as I hardened against her, making her moan again in anticipation.

I moved my hands up her back to the straps of her bra, sliding them down her arms and letting it fall to her waist. She pulled her arms out of the straps completely and as she sat there topless in my lap I brought my lips to her now naked breasts, sucking and licking, making her gasp and sigh as my hands unclasped the bra at her waist and sent it to join her shirt on the floor. As soon as the offending material was gone I brought my hands up to cup both of her breasts. I flicked my tongue against her left nipple as the thumb of my left hand brushed over, pressed against and fondled her right one.

She started rocking her hips against mine and I groaned from the friction.

I removed my right hand from her luscious breast, undid her belt, button and zipper on her jeans and excitedly slid my hand inside under her panties. She was soaking wet already, I could tell the minute my hand entered them and I hadn't even reached her clit yet. She bucked against my hand angling up and my finger slid between her folds making contact with her sensitive nub. She threw her head back and gasped. "Lamb."

I smiled and reached my hand in further, teasing her wet center as I ran my fingers over her lips, between them and back again, but not inside. She was mewling and panting and practically begging for my touch and when her small had grabbed mine shoving it further into her pants I smirked evilly. I grabbed her hand and replaced mine with hers at her opening. Her eyes opened and she looked confused for a millisecond until she understood. And when I felt her flick her wrist and slide one of her fingers inside of her warmth I growled and lifted her off of me.

I laid her back on the bed and quickly rid her of her jeans and panties, my breath hitching as her free hand came to her breast squeezing and pinching her own nipple. With her naked in front of me I had the perfect view of her slender finger moving inside of her cunt, she let out a choked sob and when I looked up at her, her mouth was slightly open and her chest was heaving. She added a second finger as I watched and as she neared orgasm my hardness just grew. This was one of my favorite things to do with her. To watch her touch herself, play with herself, if she ever dumped my sorry ass this sight would get me through the remainder of lonely existence.

When her legs started to shake showing the nearness of her climax I dropped between her legs, adding one of my own fingers to the two she was already fucking herself with and she let out a low moan. "God."

I kissed her belly and trailed my lips upwards as our fingers twisted inside her, mine in the opposite direction of hers, making her buck and moan. When I reached her lips I covered them with mine. "You are so hot Veronica. Do you know how hot you are?"

She didn't answer just smiled and as my finger brushed her g-spot she opened her mouth in a silent scream. She was so wet and warm and her entire pussy was just dripping and I wanted her to cum. I wanted her to come and then I wanted inside of her.

As I sat up I kissed her deeply and then in perfect synchronicity, keeping one finger in her pussy, I brought another finger to her second opening and my free hand to her clit and as I pressed hard against her collection of nerves, I slid my finger inside her perfect ass. She rose off the bed cuming instantly, shaking and moaning, screaming my name. "Don! Oh god!"

She was still cuming, her pussy throbbing around both of our fingers, her ass clutching only mine and I pressed it harder into her. She was in pure ecstasy for a few minutes as I continued the sweet torture and when she finally came down her body relaxed and she lay back breathing hard. Her fingers left her wetness but mine stayed and my other hand still continued to brush against her clit. I covered her body with mine kissing her lovingly and she smiled when I pulled back. "God I love the way your finger feels."

I smirked and turned the finger still in her unforgiving entrance and she shuddered. "I know."

And I did know, it wasn't something I did often and the first time I tried it I really thought she might kill me or worse, never let me see her naked again. But it had only taken a few seconds for her body to go into overdrive and now every time I did it she was in pure ecstasy within seconds.

I kissed her again and removed my fingers from her, she whimpered at the loss and I laughed as I brought my face to her folds lapping up her juices, my tongue paying special attention to her openings.

She started panting again and grabbed my biceps, pulling me up and over her, fusing her mouth to mine. She moaned as she tasted herself and I situated myself at her warmth. I pressed in slightly and she bucked against me sliding me in further. I wasn't wearing a condom and I knew I'd need one soon, but sometimes we still chanced it allowing me a few pumps of just me inside of her. I brought one of my hands to her breasts and massaged it as I slowly entered her the rest of the way. I stayed there inside of her, filling her and she pulsed around my dick. Not wanting to let go of her or leave her, I slid my free arm under her back and swung us around with me still inside of her until I could reach the night table and the condoms within. I pulled one out and as I was about to rip it open her hand closed over mine. "No."

I stared at her wide eyed. Had she just said what I thought she said? She was on the pill so it wasn't like it was a huge risk, but since that first night we'd always been extra careful. "Really? Are you sure?"

She nodded, her lidded eyes half open with pleasure and she wrapped her legs around my waist digging her heels into my butt and pulling me into her further. "Yes, just pull out ok."

I nodded and took her lips with mine again, tossing the condom on the ground with her shirt and bra and sliding out of her before sheathing myself again fully. I hit her cervix and she winced slightly from the brief pain that accompanied the sheer pleasure.

I started moving, thrusting slowly but deeply and increasing my pace after a few minutes. Enjoying her body, enjoying being in her body, and loving her body.

Our lips were still connected, sometimes just hovering over each other, other times sharing deep passionate kisses.

She squealed in delight when I hooked her right leg over my arm, resting it in the valley of my elbow and changing the angle of penetration.

We continued making love, whispering words of pleasure and need to each other. "God I love being inside of you Veronica."

She whimpered and brought her mouth to my neck biting lightly and eliciting a moan from me. "I love it too." With her words I thrust in hard hitting her cervix again and making her moan. "God Don, baby, touch me, please."

Her walls had begun contracting and I was near my own release so I moved my free hand to her clit, pinching it and sending her over the edge. She rose up against me and captured my lips. "Oh god, oh god. I love you!"

And that did me in. I lurched and yanked myself out of her, my seed spilling over her sweaty gorgeous belly and I dropped my face to take her lips again as my body twitched. "Fuck, god damn!"

As I collapsed onto her I could feel my sticky release between us and I rested my head on her breasts kissing each of them numerous times before kissing her lips again. She wrapped her arms around me and held me tight as I looked into her eyes. "I love you too."

When I finally rolled myself off of her so I wouldn't crush her, I laid on my back and placed my arm over my stomach forgetting about the mess I'd made and groaned. "Uh, fuck."

I heard her snicker and looked over to see her up on her elbows looking at the matching mess on her body.

I laughed and before she could stop me I jumped off the bed pulled her into my arms and took her into the bathroom. She smiled and kissed me. "You always have the best ideas."

I laughed and buried my face in the crook of her neck. "You come up with some pretty good ones yourself."

We got under the spray of the water and I washed and conditioned her hair for her, loving the way the water traveled down the crease of her spine and between her butt cheeks. When I was done my hands drifted downward cupping said cheeks and she bent over almost on instinct. I entered her from behind and she grabbed onto the water spout for balance as I slid one arm around her waist and braced the other on the shower wall to steady myself. I pulled out again when we both came, cuming all over her backside and after pressing her against the shower wall and kissing her senseless we washed each other's bodies.

When we finally left the steamy shower I wrapped a towel around my waist and one around her, holding her close to me and kissing the top of her head.

She just molded to me and for the millionth time in the last 6 months I thanked god for giving me a second chance.

When we were both dry I led her back out to the bedroom and spooned behind her, kissing the nape of her neck and her naked shoulder sensually. Her fingers were gliding over my forearm that I'd tossed over her stomach and I was so at peace that her voice startled me. "Don?"

I kissed her shoulder again before answering. "Yeah?"

"So now that you and my dad are going to be working together I was kind of thinking…."

She stopped and I sat there for a second waiting before probing. "You were thinking what baby?"

She sighed and turned her head to kiss me. "I was thinking that maybe in a couple months, after he's used to you again, and if you two are getting along, that maybe we could go public."

Holy shit! Did I heart that right? Veronica Mars finally wanted people to know about us. "So you want to say good bye to clandestine us and hello to public us?"

She smiled. "Yeah, I love you and I want people to know it."

And with that I kissed her passionately. "I love you too and can't wait for the world to know that you're mine."

After she fell asleep that night I stayed awake for awhile watching her sleep in my arms. She was mine and soon it would be official.

I couldn't wait, just a few more months.

But the problem with living in Neptune is that nothing ever goes as planned.

to be continued........................................

---------------

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	4. Letters

**Clandestine (4/?)**  
**Chapter title: Letters**  
**Rating: NC-17**  
**Summary: Lamb's death was faked. When the truth is revealed Veronica goes to see him and a secret relationship is formed.**

**Characters/Pairing: Veronica/Lamb**  
**Spoilers: entire series but AU from 3X14**  
**Word Count: 3462**  
**Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars**

**This story is based on a fic request from Sweetpea2100!**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted and/or favorited this fic!!**

* * *

I'd thought the first letter was a joke, so much so that I tossed it in the garbage and didn't think anything of it.

All it said was; 'You're gonna pay.'

I figured it was from a high school kid I'd arrested for underage drinking or possession of paraphernalia. No big deal.

A week later it was the same thing with the second. Same words, same unmarked envelope, same San Diego post mark.

So like the first, I ripped it up and tossed it.

But two days after the second one arrived I got a third and this one was a little different. 'I blame you. You'll pay for what you did.'

I spent half a day sitting at my desk trying to decide what to do and who it could be from. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't wonder if it came from Duncan Kane. That would make sense for many reasons, Lilly's murder investigation, the kidnapping case and above all else Veronica. But if it was about Veronica that opened up a lot more possibilities, Echolls, Piznarski, Navarro, even that Gant kid that called her every time he came home for a visit. But that didn't make sense, I hadn't taken her from any of them so I couldn't be blamed and none of them knew about us, of that I was positive, mainly because they were all somewhat nice to me now and if they knew, that would not be the case. And Duncan Kane was out because he was still in Australia and I knew where he was at all times. Yes I do have some secrets of my own thank you very much, and I couldn't exactly risk him getting caught and Veronica going to jail could I? No.

So that left me with either my past, or a case, and either of those were logical options. It could be a former foster brother or sister, hell even parent, I was at a few where the parents divorced while I was living with them. But I couldn't really remember ever having anyone say something was my fault, well more than the usual verbal abuse that is.

So cases were looking like the best bet. I spent a week trying to figure it out, going over old cases, affidavits, etc… and found nothing.

It wasn't until the 7th letter that I got worried. It came to my house that time, I'd had the day off and it was Veronica and my 8 month anniversary. I was bringing in the groceries for the dinner I was planning to make and had the mail in my hand when the letter fell out of the stack.

I dropped the bags and just stared at it for a second. There was a bloody smudge on the seal.

I was already worried and when I opened it, it only got worse. 'What's important to you Mr. Lamb?'

That was the last straw, because immediately all I could think of was Veronica. My heart started to ache and I felt sick. Did this person know? Would they hurt her to get to me? Was she in danger?

Needless to say I was scared shitless and I left the food on the floor of the kitchen and ran out to my car letter in hand.

When I reached the station I ran past Sacks who looked extremely surprised to see me, went into my office, grabbed the other letters I hadn't tossed and flew into Keith's office.

He was on the phone and looked up at me like I'd grown a second head. I threw the letters onto his desk and his eyes widened. "Sweetie can I call you back...ok…..yeah I'll see you tomorrow." My heart leapt as I realized he was talking to my girl and I was so preoccupied with my worry and love for her that I didn't hear him when he first spoke. "Don!?"

I jerked my head up. "Yeah, sorry what?"

He looked at me concern evident on his face. "Is this all of them?"

I nodded and then shook my head. "Yea….I mean no. I tossed the first two; I thought it was a prank. But they've been getting worse and this last one came to my house."

"How long have you been getting them?"

"About a month."

He took a deep breath and I prepared myself to be yelled at. But I was pleasantly surprised. "Why didn't you come to me earlier Don? This obviously isn't a joke, what if this person had gone after you?"

He wasn't angry, he was worried. "I thought I could figure it out, but I haven't gotten anywhere."

Keith nodded and sat back in his chair pointing at the one across from his desk. I sat as well and the two of us spent the next 2 hours going over the likely subjects.

I was ready to leave and head home to see my girl when he stopped me. "Don?"

I turned, anxious to go. "You need to be careful from now on. Eyes and ears open."

"Of course."

And then his expression changed. "Would you have a problem with me bringing Veronica in on this? We could probably use her help."

My heart started pounding and my brain went fuzzy. No, no, no, no, it was a terrible idea, she'd be worried and probably get herself hurt trying to help, I could risk it. "I'd really prefer you didn't."

Keith's eyes grew wide and he looked a little suspicious so I continued. "She's got a lot going on and if this guy means business I don't think it's a good I idea to involve her. Don't you agree?"

He couldn't argue with that and I hurried from his office to my car.

I made it to my house 5 minutes before she did. After a romantic dinner that we ended up making together, I thought she'd be mad but she wasn't she actually loved helping me, we settled together on the couch to watch a movie. We made love three times that night and I tried my hardest to push the letters from my mind, but the thought of her in trouble, being hurt, kept replaying on my mind.

I hid it well, she had no idea, but that night as I held her in my arms it was extra tight. I was scared to death to let her go.

We just needed to keep it a secret a little longer, give me time to find this guy and get rid of the threat. I'd tell her all about it later, later when there was no more danger.

A month later we still hadn't caught the suspect and were no closer either. The blood turned out to be pig's blood, there were no fingerprints on the letters and I'd received 10 more, he'd been amping up the attack and each one was worse.

I spent most of my days in fear. For myself **and** for her. Because every letter mentioned what was important to me. And she was** all** that was important to me.

We'd been together for 9 months, and everything was better than I'd ever thought it could be. She hadn't mentioned our clandestine relationship becoming non-clandestine in a while so I thought I was in the clear. That I still had time.

But as always, Veronica Mars is full of surprises.

* * *

I was late coming home, I was supposed to be there at 9 but Keith and I'd found a lead and followed it. I didn't get home until after 1AM because of it.

As always I was expecting Veronica to stop by, but I was a lot later than I usually would be and hadn't gotten a chance to call her so I wasn't sure if she'd have stuck around or not. When I walked into my apartment, I didn't see her stuff by the patio door and I figured that either she wasn't there yet or had been and gone. I was hoping it was the former, it had been a long day and all I wanted was to have her in my arms and to be inside of her.

I sighed as I walked through my apartment peeling off my uniform on the way to my bedroom and by the time I walked through the doorway I was shoe-less, shirt-less and belt-less.

And sure enough I found Veronica on my bed clothes-less. I mean wow.

She just laid there smiling as I stopped and stared for a second before walking over to the bed and running my hand up her naked thigh and between her legs. "How the fuck did I get so lucky?"

She giggled and moved into my touch, she was already wet and when she shifted my hand became covered in her arousal. "Well Deputy, I think maybe it's because I love you, or possibly because you turn my brain to mush every time you touch me. But either way, you should just enjoy it."

I removed my hand from her, licking my fingers clean as she watched. "Oh I plan to." I reached down undoing my pants and letting them fall along with my boxers to the floor before covering her svelte body with mine.

I ground my erection against her, the tip of my cock slipping inside, and she closed her eyes and moaned as her legs spread wider. "Feel good baby?"

She nodded and reopened her eyes. "God yes."

I smirked before taking her lips and when she bit my bottom lip, I knew exactly what she wanted. She just wanted me to take her; she wanted me to fuck her, hard and rough. I grabbed her breasts roughly, pinching her nipples and her body arched into my touch. "Oh god!"

I removed my tip from her and she let out a frustrated moan as I chuckled and kissed her again. "Don't worry baby girl. I'm gonna fuck you till you can't see straight…" Her eyes glistened and she tried to move her legs around my waist to pull me into her but I sat up on my knees and grabbed her feet. "But first I want to play."

She let out an excited squeal as I bent her legs till her feet were up by her head and as I held them in place with my hands, I buried my face in her wetness.

She squirmed as my tongue entered her, slowly and softly. She kept trying to move, get closer, but I had her pinned down and refused to let go, I was gonna make her cum till she couldn't cum anymore.

I used one of my arms to keep her down on the bed and brought the other to her opening as I tortured her slowly with my tongue against her clit. She came the second I shoved my first finger in her, shrieking loudly in ecstasy. "Yes, oh god!"

I smiled against her and added a second finger, all the while biting and sucking on her clit as I pushed her into another frenzy and started twisting my fingers inside her. She shuddered and came again as I bit down on her sensitve nub and my fingers found her g-spot.

I kept my fingers moving, prolonging her orgasm, and continued sucking on her over sensitized clit as I added a third finger. In no time at all she was writhing and struggling against me, begging me to fuck her. "Please Don, please. Fuck me, fuck me hard. God I need you, I need you so much!"

I smiled and curled my fingers downward and she went over the edge a 3rd time. She was breathing hard, her clit was swollen and throbbing as was her tight perfect pussy and I decided to finally give her what she wanted. I sat up, pulled her legs down and hovered over her capturing her lips, thrusting my tongue into her mouth to match the movements of my fingers and whispered in her ear. "Are you sure you're ready for me to fuck you baby?"

She whined and arched into me. "Yes, please now!"

I pulled my hand from her, grabbed her hips and flipped her over on the bed. She instinctively pushed her ass up and towards me and I plowed into her with so much force her head hit the head board with a loud thump. She let out a loud pleasure full moan and I continued to thrust deep inside her, one hand on her hip and the other roughly massaging her breasts.

I yanked her up to me, her back flush with my chest and I drove into her, bruising her pale perfect skin with my hard thrusts and firm grip.

She moved her head and I kissed her hard, my hand holding her to me before sliding it from her hip, down her belly, until I reached her clit and pressed hard. She let out another wail. "Don!!"

"Does that feel good Mars?"

"Yes!"

I bit her earlobe and she thrust down as I thrust up and I hit her cervix making her scream. "Harder! God! Please fuck me harder!'

I took my free hand and twisted it in her hair before pushing her back down on the bed, her face in the pillow. As I pulled on her hair I fucked her harder, plowing into her, shoving my cock deeper with every thrust until we were both panting and she was screaming unintelligible gibberish and clawing at the sheets.

"God Veronica. Fuck! I love fucking you. So fucking tight."

Her butt cheeks were red from my thrusts and jiggled with every move I made. When her walls began to contract, I pinched her clit between my fingers as I kept thrusting and she came twice in rapid succession screaming loudly. "Ahhh! Oh god! Oh god!"

And as she began to come down, with me still moving inside of her, she began to beg breathlessly. "Don, I can't...I can't."

I leaned over her kissing her back. "You can't what Mars?"

Her chest was heaving and her legs were shaking and if I hadn't been connected to her she wouldn't have been able to hold herself up. "Can't cum anymore. God too much."

I smiled and leaned over kissing her back again, pushing my dick into her further. "Yes you can baby, you'll be ok, I've got you."

And with that I pulled myself from her, flipped her over again, lifted her feet to my shoulders and penetrated her again harshly. I leaned over, stretching her legs between us and grabbed her tits, pulling on her nipples and kissing her fiercely. She was delirious with pleasure and within seconds she was convulsing around my cock, cumming harder than she had all night and I thrust twice more before yanking myself from her and cuming all over her perfect tits.

I fell back on my heels and stared at her, god, she was just fucking perfect.

She could barely keep her eyes open, she couldn't seem to catch her breath, her hair was matted, her body was covered in sweat and I could still see how swollen her clit was. But fuck, I'd never seen her look so good and I smiled like a kid in the fucking candy store because I'd done that to her.

I continued to watch her, rubbing her legs and lower belly gently, trying to sooth her and when she finally seemed capable of intelligent thought I leaned over and kissed her. "You ok baby girl?"

She let out a satisfied moan that sounded a lot like. "Uhhhh yeah." And then smiled as I pulled her into my arms and held her.

I got up a little while later and ran a warm bath for her. I knew that on nights like this her body ached and throbbed and her lower belly felt like it was doing cartwheels, and I knew exactly how to take care of her. That's how close we'd gotten, I knew her, I knew her body and I knew what her body needed.

When the water was ready I walked back into the room where she was lying curled into a little ball and picked her up in my arms carrying her into the bathroom. I set her in the tub and climbed in behind her letting her relax against me.

She could stay in there for hours if I let her. But after the day I'd had, I really wanted to crawl into bed with her and hold her tight, so I only let her re-warm the water twice. I was moving to get up when her hand landed on my thigh.

"I told Mac about us."

Oh. Fuck. Not. Good. I knew Mac wouldn't say anything, but this was terrible timing. "Oh, uh, ok. What did she say?'

She turned her head and smiled. "That if you hurt me she'll bankrupt you in thirty seconds and have you drafted in the Marines."

I laughed, if anybody could it was definitely her. And as happy as I was that she hadn't done it the minute Veronica told her, I still couldn't get rid of the worry in my mind. I couldn't go public now, I couldn't make Veronica a target, I wouldn't, I'd die before I got her hurt. "Um Veronica, I thought we were gonna talk about it before we told anyone."

She stiffened a little and I wrapped my arms around her, kissed her cheek and she relaxed again. "Well, yeah, but I kind of didn't have a choice."

She didn't have a choice? "Huh?"

"Well, she finally asked me why I've spent the majority of my nights for the past 9 months not in my own bed, she's my roommate and honestly I'm surprised she didn't call me on it earlier. I think the only reason she didn't is because she hasn't been there a lot herself."

It made sense, I just thanked god she wasn't living with Keith anymore, but still this wasn't a good thing. I mean I wanted the world to know she was mine, but I wasn't willing to pay for that with her life, I loved her too much to lose her.

When I didn't respond she continued. "So I was thinking."

I sighed and turned her in the water to face me. "You were thinking that since she handled it so well that we should just come out with our secret relationship."

She smiled sheepishly and nodded. "I'm tired of hiding Don. I know what I want and it's you."

"And you have me, but I think we should wait just a little while longer. Let me butter up your dad a little." I knew playing the Keith card would work for at least a little while. "You don't want him removing my junk do you?"

She laughed. "No, I guess not, I am fairly fond of your so called 'junk'. But you know that he loves you now…again….and "

I stopped her with a kiss. "Give me a little while longer baby and I'll tell him myself."

She didn't look convinced and placed her hands on my cheeks. "Is there something wrong?"

Yes! I wanted to scream it, but I didn't, instead I plastered a cheesy grin on my face and kissed her sweetly. "Nothing baby I promise, I just want to make sure your father doesn't kill me when he finds out so that I can enjoy you in the open. I'd like to live long enough to take you on a real date you know."

She smiled then and slid into my lap under the water. "Ok, well if you're sure. You can tell me you know. Anything. No worries here."

Yeah, I knew, but I couldn't tell her **this**, at least not yet. "Yeah, I know and I promise there is nothing wrong. I love you."

She leaned against my chest and kissed my collar bone. "You too. Now how about you take me to bed and show me how much you love me."

"I thought you'd never ask."

I got us out of the tub and carried her to the bedroom where I proceeded to make love to her, gently and slowly, unlike the first time that night and when she fell asleep I held her too me while freaking out inside.

I had to figure it out. I had to. There was no more time and I refused to lose her.

I would fix this and then we'd be together out in the open.

It would all be ok.

But I realized early the next morning that I had been very wrong; it wasn't ok and I was still no closer to fixing it.

In truth, it was worse, because when I got to work the next day there was a box on my desk containing a cow's heart that had been cut in half. And this time the note read; 'Pain like you've never felt before.'

To be continued.....

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Review Please!!**


	5. Breakng Point

Clandestine (5/?)  
Chapter title: Breaking Point  
Rating: NC-17  
Summary: Lamb's death was faked. When the truth is revealed Veronica goes to see him and a secret relationship is formed.

Characters/Pairing: Veronica/Lamb, (mentions of Lilly, Keith, Sacks and many others)  
Spoilers: entire series but AU from 3X14  
Word Count: 2519  
Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars

This story is based on a fic request from Sweetpea2100

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted and/or favorited this fic!!!

* * *

The next two weeks were pretty much the same but the letters had started coming daily. Keith and I had brought in Sacks and even made a call to the FBI, but we were still no closer to figuring it out.

As frustrating as that was, it wasn't the most prominent thing on my mind, Veronica was, as always.

But not necessarily for a good reason, she took my Keith related excuses for a week and then started bringing it up again. We got into two big fights about it, the first time working it out and having the best fucking make up sex known to man.

But the second time, she left, went home and didn't come back for two days, and when she did, it felt strained. I knew she still loved me and she even said it, but she knew there was something up. She thought I was stalling and that I just didn't want to go public, that I was just being a jackass. I knew I was going to have to tell her soon, but I was scared to death.

I didn't want her hurt, but I also couldn't lose her and if I had to make the choice between keeping her safe or, well, **keeping** her, I really didn't know what I would choose. I couldn't live without her, in any way, shape or form.

* * *

A month after receiving the cow's heart in the mail I came back to the station after a call and walked into my office to find Veronica sitting on my desk. I'd seen her the night before and things had been good. It was the first time in weeks we hadn't fought and I really thought that maybe that was a good sign.

I locked the door behind me and walked over to where she was sitting stepping between her legs and bending her back onto the desk. I kissed her deeply, then pulled back and smiled at her as I fondled her right breast with my hand. "Hey baby. "

She grinned from ear to ear and when I pressed my erection against her, her eyes closed and she sighed. "Hi, thought I'd stop by. I missed you."

I brought my lips to her pulse point sucking on her sweet skin and slid my hand under her shirt. "I missed you too. How long do you plan on staying?"

She laughed and the vibrations against my lips just made me even harder, so I took my hand from her breast and slid it down inside her pants entering her with two fingers. "Ohhh, god. Um…long enough for us both to cum."

I smiled against her skin and quickly rid her and myself of our clothes. When we were both naked I lifted her off the desk, carried her over to my chair, sat down and turned her around so that her legs were spread over mine and her back was against my chest. She rose up and sunk herself down onto my cock letting out a low moan as I filled her completely.

I wanted to take my time, make love to her, use her body for all it was worth and stay inside of her forever. But Keith was right next door and I knew it was only a matter of time before someone needed me for something. So every time she'd thrust down, I'd thrust my hips up and I brought my thumb to her sensitive nub. It was fast and hard but definitely didn't lack any of our usual passion and when she came, I followed swiftly, holding her when she fell back against me in a sated exhaustion.

I just enjoyed having her in my arms for a few minutes until she finally removed herself from my lap and walked around my desk to grab her clothes. She tossed me mine and I just held them as I watched her dress. Veronica, naked in my office, this wasn't the first time, not by a long shot, but it was something I'd never get tired of. I'd had many a fantasy about taking her against my desk, or the wall, hell even the floor and they had all come true. But my favorite was always in the chair, and it had become one of her favorite places too.

After she was fully clothed I begrudgingly put my own on and sat back in the chair. I motioned for her to join me but she just stood there staring at me with the desk between us. I knew that look, it was a look I'd seen a lot lately. Either a fight was brewing or she was going to try and appeal to me one more time. God I wanted to give into her so badly, I wanted the world to know that Veronica Mars was mine, but I just couldn't risk it, I loved her too much.

"Veronica? What's really going on?"

"I want to tell my dad."

I let out a heavy sigh and slouched in my chair. I knew that this visit had ulterior motives. "Veronica…"

She stopped me by holding her hand up to halt my words. "No Don, I don't want to hear it anymore. We've been together for almost a year, I love you and I know you love me. I don't want to hide anymore, I can't do it. I'm tired of lying every time Parker tries to set me up with someone. I'm tired of Logan and Piz trying to get me to go out with them, trying to get me back. I'm tired of lying to Wallace and my dad when they ask me why I'm so happy."

I sat up and walked over to her pulling her into my arms. "Veronica I know. Do you think I like this? I don't, I don't want to hide but this is a really bad time. And right now.."

Her face was pressed against my chest so her next words were muffled but shocking none the less. "Are you ashamed of me?"

What?!? Was she crazy? I could never be ashamed of having her. I pulled back and cupped her face turning it up to mine. "Baby, I could never and would never be ashamed of you. You are the greatest thing that ever happened to me."

"Then why?" Her soft features had become hard and I knew she was getting angry. "Tell me why. There has to be a reason. Is it my dad? Are you afraid of what he'll say?"

"No, I..."

"Because honestly Don, I think he already knows, he's the fucking chief of police and worked as a PI for 4 years, I highly doubt that we could pull this off for 10 months without him having at least **some** suspicions. He hasn't shot you yet. So he won't now." And then her hands were on my cheeks. "You make me happy Don Lamb. Happier than I've ever been, than I ever thought was possible, you healed my jaded heart. He will understand that, he has to; I'll make him if I have too."

I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "No Veronica, it's not your dad, there's just..."

"Is it my friends?" She wasn't going to let this go, I knew that this conversation was the breaking point for her and I had a decision to make. Keep her, or keep her safe. "Because Mac doesn't care. And sure, Wallace and Weevil and Logan will probably freak out at first, but they all know better than to get between me and what makes me happy. They've seen me lose it too much to take it from me."

"No, it's not your friends Veronica, look..."

"Then what the fuck is it??!" She yelled at the top of her lungs and I swear my heart stopped, there was no way Keith hadn't heard it and I was just waiting for him to break the door down.

She tried to back away but I held her closer, her head against my chest and eventually she molded to me and began to relax. "It's nothing, I'm just not ready."

And just like that, the comfort I'd given her was gone; she pushed me away and stood there, her eyes burning into me. "Well **I** am. I can't do this anymore Don. I **won't** do this anymore."

"What are you saying Veronica?" Fuck, I knew all too well what she was saying, but I just didn't want it to be true.

I took a step towards her and she just stood her ground. "Go public with me or it's over."

My heart stopped beating for a second and I wanted to just drop to my knees and beg her to let it go, give me more time. "I can't do that baby, you have no idea how much I want to, but I can't."

I looked up at her again and there were tears in her eyes, I hadn't given her the answer she wanted. "Then why. Tell me why. You say you love me. That you want to the world to know, but you won't tell anyone." Her tears were falling freely now. "Why? Just tell me why."

I took another step towards her and she backed away from me. I held out my hand and she just stared at it. "I do love you Veronica and I don't want to lose you, but I just can't tell you why. Please baby girl, just give me a little while longer and I promise..."

"You promise?! God! I'm so fucking tired of promises! People are always making promises to me and they never fucking deliver. I don't want promises! I want action and I want you. But you obviously don't want me as much as I want you." She stood there and just glared at me. "It's the truth or the door, Lamb." I didn't know what to do, I hadn't decided yet. The idea of losing her made me sick, but I might lose her either way and if she just left at least she'd still be alive. When I didn't answer her, she shuddered as a new crop of tears burst from her eyes. "I guess that's my answer then." And then she turned from me and headed towards the door.

She'd barely taken one step before my brain started shouting at me. 'Stop her!' 'Tell her!' 'Don't be a fucking idiot!' 'You'll lose her forever!' 'It's time to be honest!'

I took two long strides and caught her arm, turning her back to me and I kissed her and held her. But she didn't respond. Was it too late, had she already shut herself off from me? No, no it wasn't possible, I knew how fast she could turn it off but not from me, she loved me too much, she had to still give me a chance. "Don't go. Wait, let me..."

"No. It's too late. You made your decision."

I held her tighter and dragged her over to my desk, all the while she was trying to get out of my grasp. "No, you don't understand, I couldn't tell you. I was afraid you'd get hurt…"

She shoved me off of her and I fell against my desk. "Afraid I'd get hurt?! Fuck Don, I **am** hurt, **you** just hurt me beyond belief, **you** made it happen."

She moved towards the door again and I quickly grabbed two of the letters from my desk drawer, catching her as her hand reached the lock on the door knob.

I wrapped my arms around her as she struggled against my hold and we dropped to the floor. I held her tight and tried to get her to listen to me. "Veronica.…..Fuck Veronica! Just stop and listen to me."

Her head came back and connected with my lip and I tasted blood but I didn't care, I had to fix this. As she tried to pull herself from my grasp she knocked the letters from my hand and they landed in front of the door.

I didn't even know until I heard her gasp and when I looked up she'd stilled in my arms and her eyes were wide. They were the ones that had freaked me out the most, the one that had made me realize it wasn't a joke. 'What's important to you Mr. Lamb?' and 'Pain like you've never felt before.'

She pulled herself from my arms and looked at me, my eyes just pleaded with her to understand. For the longest time she just continued to kneel there on the floor, going back and forth between me and the letters. "Is this…?"

I nodded. "It's not that I didn't want to tell you baby, fuck I want to tell you everything, but I was scared to death."

"Why **didn't** you tell me? I would have helped you. Would have been there for you. Why didn't you trust me with this?"

She looked more hurt than angry by that point and it broke my heart. I reached for her and slid her back towards me and into my arms. "I knew you'd want to help Veronica and that's why I didn't tell you. I trust you more than anyone but I couldn't bring you into this. This guy means business and every letter has mentioned what's important to me in some way or another. You're the only thing that's important to me, and if he went after you….if he hurt you….touched you…"

They were my worst fears and it hurt to think about them, but to actually say them was worse. I'd die before I saw her hurt. With concern she cupped my face with her hands. "I understand that, but you still should have told me. I would have stayed out of it, but helped from the sidelines, you're important to me too. You and my dad are the two most important people in my life."

God it felt good to hear that I was important to her, but we both knew there was no way she would have stayed out of it. I pulled her closer, brushing my lips over her forehead. "Really? You would have stayed on the sidelines…we both know better than that."

She sighed and looked up at me. "Ok, I see your point, but still, were you really willing to let me walk out that door and never come back, just to keep this from me?"

I nodded for a split second and then stopped. "Well obviously not since I stopped you. But I'd do anything to keep you safe baby girl. Anything, and if that means letting you go, then I'll do it. I don't want to, but I will. Please forgive me for not…."

She stopped me with her lips on mine and I crushed her to me. "So you do love me?"

"More than life. I can't lose you Veronica. I can't, I won't survive it. And I promise that as soon as this is over we'll…"

If I'd had the opportunity to finish that sentence I would have told her that we'd go public as soon as we caught the bastard sending the letters. That we'd be together finally and nothing else would get in the way. But unfortunately, the gunshots that sounded from the main office ruined the moment.

To be continued………………..

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	6. Hostage

**Clandestine (6/?)**  
**Chapter title: Hostage**  
**Rating: R**  
**Summary: Lamb's death was faked. When the truth is revealed Veronica goes to see him and a secret relationship is formed.**

**Characters/Pairing: Veronica/Lamb, (Keith, Cliff, Sacks, Leo, Inga, OCC)**  
**Spoilers: entire series but AU from 3X14**  
**Word Count: 1400**  
**Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars**

**This story is based on a fic request from Sweetpea2100**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted and/or favorite this fic!!**

* * *

We both froze and I held her to me so tight that I wasn't sure she could even breathe. Had we imagined the sound, was it something else?

It took no time at all for us to both realize that we had in fact heard gunshots, because we began to hear people yelling out in the main office and then Keith's voice trying to talk to someone. When a third shot rang out Veronica's entire body shuddered and she let out a pained sob.

We both thought Keith had been shot and when we heard his voice again we let out a breath of relief.

I went through an immediate staff inventory in my mind, D'Amato, Sacks, Keith, and Inga. I had 6 deputies out patrolling, 7 coming in for the night shift in 4 hours and that left 5 at home on their day off. It was a slow day so there weren't many people milling around, maybe four or 5 so there at the most were probably 9 or 10 people in danger, 11 including us, the most important of which was in my arms at that moment.

I knew what this was. I was positive. It had to be, and I continued to huddle there with her in my arms fearing that this might be the last time I ever would.

I kissed her deeply and she looked into my eyes, hers filled with fear. "Don?"

I brought my finger to my lips in a shushing motion and then grabbed my gun. "Take my gun."

She looked surprised and went to speak but I stopped her.

"Hide it somewhere in your clothes and then I want you to stay here. Hide under my desk or in the closet or something and call Cliff so he can alert the San Diego PD ok?"

She looked at me like I was crazy and pulled out her phone texting Cliff instead. "No, I'm not leaving you, I refuse to leave you."

"Veronica…"

I was about to argue with her when there was a sharp knock on my office door and I heard a voice yell. "Come out come out where ever you are Mr. Lamb."

When I looked back at her this time she had tears in her eyes and I kissed her hard. "Whatever you do, don't make it look like we have anything between us. Keep your emotions guarded and just do whatever he says. Ok?" She nodded and hid my gun in her boot. "I love you."

She choked back a sob and kissed me again. "I love you too."

And with that we stood up, I dropped her hand and opened the door.

As soon as we walked out I was thrown up against the other side of the door and I watched as a greasy man in his early 30's grabbed Veronica's arm and threw her against D'Amato's desk. D'Amato stood up in a protective stance, Keith stepped forward and if I hadn't had a gun to my forehead this fucking man would have been dead for touching her.

After she hit the desk she fell to the floor clutching her side where she hit the wood and the gunman pulled out a second gun pointing it at her. "Who the fuck are you?"

She didn't say anything just stared at him and just as she was about to open her mouth and speak, Keith stepped in. "She's my daughter." I took his distraction as a chance to look around, he'd disarmed everyone and had locked and barricaded the door to the station, we were stuck.

The gunman snorted and laughed. "If she's your daughter, why was she in Lamb's office?"

And that's when my girl finally spoke up. "My dad's birthday is next week and we were planning a surprise party." She turned her head and smiled at Keith. "Surprise."

I didn't miss the lack of a look of realization on Keith's face, his birthday was 6 months away, if he hadn't known about us he would have figured it out right then. Veronica had been right, he **did** know, he knew the whole time that she was what was important to me and why I didn't want her involved. But luckily the gunman didn't notice the lack of surprise or emotion and instead he turned back to me and sneered. I knew him, I didn't know how, but I knew him.

He looked back at Veronica. "Get up!"

I watched as D'Amato grabbed her from the floor and helped her stand. I didn't like seeing him touch her, but there were more important things going on at the moment then my insane jealousy. She went to step towards Keith and the gunman held the gun to her again. "No, you stay right there."

She looked over at her dad and shuddered slightly, she was scared, it wouldn't have been obvious to many others, but I could tell and so could Keith. I hated to see her like that, god I just wanted to hold her, but it was the one thing I couldn't do. I watched in agony as Leo grabbed her around the waist and pulled her against him trying to protect her, and Keith looked on in pain, worried that the gunman was going to figure it out.

I was surveying the room when I felt the barrel of his gun connect with my jaw and I fell to the ground. He just laughed and pointed the gun at Sacks. He made Sacks tie everyone to chairs except me, Keith, Veronica, D'Amato and himself. Everyone else was forced to just watch.

D'Amato was still holding Veronica tight and my stomach was in knots, I was so jealous that when the gunman grabbed her arm and yanked her from his grasp I was actually almost thankful and I couldn't believe it. Veronica and I made eye contact for a few seconds as the gunman himself decided to tie up D'Amato and I mouthed the words 'I love you 'to her. She quickly did the same with a 'you too' and that's when I looked over to Keith. I knew he saw, he had to have, and I was surprised to see that he wasn't angry. He looked worried more than anything.

The gunman paced for awhile, almost like he was waiting for something to happen and then finally he walked back over to me. 'Figure it out yet Lamb?"

"Figure what out?"

"Who I am. What you did. What you ruined. Have you figured it out yet?"

When I didn't answer he continued. "Well obviously not, huh?"

I was positive I knew him from somewhere and from the looks of it so did Keith, but he couldn't place it either.

I didn't say anything, just kept quiet trying to keep my eyes from Veronica, not draw any attention to her. I could barely see her in my peripheral vision, standing there in fear and pain, worried to death as he had the gun to my head again. God, I couldn't leave her, I wouldn't leave her. Not now, not ever.

I was so lost in thought that I almost didn't hear him when he spoke again. "Does the name Katie Greeley ring a bell Mr. Lamb?"

And just like that it all made sense, that's why I knew this man. It all came together for me and when I looked at Keith it did for him too.

But no comfort came from this realization. Only more fear, because now I was more scared for Veronica than ever.

I felt the barrel of the gun press harder against my temple, heard Veronica gasp a little and started begging her silently to hold on. "What was that Lamb? Does it?"

"Yes." My voice came out hoarse and shaky.

He pulled the gun from my head, pulled back and socked me right in the nose, I could feel the blood pouring over my face but it didn't matter, the only thing on my mind was the sight of Veronica trying to be strong, to not show emotion for me, not show her love for me. I turned my head from her not wanting to direct attention at her for too long and the gunman, or Chris Greeley if I remembered correctly, stood back and smiled.

"My wife is dead because of you."

To be continued………………….

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	7. Nightmare

Clandestine (7/?)  
Chapter title: Nightmare  
Rating: R  
Summary: Lamb's death was faked. When the truth is revealed Veronica goes to see him and a secret relationship is formed.

Characters/Pairing: Veronica/Lamb, (Keith, Cliff, Sacks, Leo, Inga, OCC)  
Spoilers: entire series but AU from 3X14  
Word Count: 1888  
Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars

This story is based on a fic request from Sweetpea2100

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted and/or favorite this fic!

**Oh and just a reminder, this is a work of fiction, so liberties are taken in regards to situations and circumstances. This chapter contains a slight twist on an event mentioned in canon.**

**Warning: there are mentions of events and situations that some may find offensive and or difficult to read. Please keep that in mind while reading this chapter, it is not my intention to cause offense to anyone.**

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_"My wife is dead because of you."_

* * *

I was 20 and it was one of my first big cases after joining the department.

The Sac-n-Pac had been held up and two clerks had been killed and a customer had been shot.

We spent weeks putting the pieces together until we got a lead on a name. A 22 year old named Chris Greeley had been seen leaving the store after the shooting that night. He had a record and had spent the majority of his teenage years in juvy for petty crimes and misdemeanors, mostly theft and drug possession. It wasn't a normal crime for him and we didn't know for sure if he was connected or not, but we did know that he knew something. It took us two weeks to track him down and we finally found him in a rundown motel outside Phoenix, but he wasn't alone, he had his new wife Katie with him. She had no idea that he'd been involved and refused to believe it, but it was true.

It turned out that Greeley had fallen into debt to the Fitzpatricks and was in over his head, they made him a deal, if he got rid of a problem they had, then his debts would be erased. It turned out that one of the clerks that night had been an FBI informant who'd been feeding information about them to the feds.

Greeley gave us information that led to the arrest of Liam's brother and got a lighter sentence because of it. He ended up going away for 8 years but Katie didn't stand by him. She left him and refused police protection. We tried to appeal to her, explain that they might go after her, but she refused to listen, but then neither did we.

I was stationed outside her house the night she was killed. We'd seen some movement in the bushes outside her house and my partner at the time had gone to check it out. A minute later I heard a gunshot and when I opened the car door I heard another shot and everything went black. I woke up 7 hours later in the hospital. I had a concussion and had taken a bullet straight through my side, luckily missing any vital organs and would be fine. But my partner and Katie hadn't been so lucky. He'd taken a bullet to the chest and died instantly. It was quick for him, painless. The same couldn't be said for Katie.

She'd been raped and beaten, they'd practically tortured her to death and to finish the job they'd put a bullet in her head.

We'd ended up putting two lower level criminals from the Fitzpatricks' organization away for it, but we knew that there had been more, we finally got the rest during the take down involving Vinnie.

Katie had gone through divorce proceedings right after Greely had been incarcerated and had actually been granted an annulment by the judge, so Chris Greeley had never been notified. When he was released from prison he had been relocated by his Parole Officer to upstate California and was in the witness protection program. We'd spoken to his PO who told us that Greeley still had no knowledge of her death and that he was employed and following all the regulations of his parole. Apparently that wasn't the case.

Greeley was right. Technically I was at fault; if we'd convinced her to leave then she might still be alive and if I'd protected her that night, she might not have been murdered.

It was one of my biggest regrets and even though I knew that I probably would have died too, it didn't make the guilt any better.

* * *

The worst part about realizing the 'why', was realizing that if he wanted revenge, he would kill Veronica in a heartbeat so I'd suffer the same pain he had.

I choked out an apology. "I'm sorry, I did everything I could, it wasn't my fault."

He sneered and laughed in my face. "Bullshit, you and I both know it. It was your job to protect her and you didn't. You could have given her a new name, place to live, anything. But you didn't."

"She didn't want it Chris, she refused." I knew it wouldn't help but I had to try.

That's when Keith stepped in. "Its true, we kept her in protective detail for 6 months and she insisted we let her go. She said that erasing her marriage to you removed her from the equation. We tried to tell her it wouldn't matter. But she didn't listen. It's not Lamb's fault."

"Yes! It fucking is! He was there that night!"

Our assurances did nothing but aggravate him more and I started to lose my cool, I knew where this was heading and it scare the shit out of me. "I was shot that night and my partner was killed. I had no idea what happened until after wards. If I had known, if I hadn't been unconscious I would have helped her, saved her."

"That's not good enough! Did you know that they sent me pictures Lamb?"

My heart stopped. What?

"I spent 8 years looking forward to getting the fuck out of that hell hole, 8 years thinking about how I was going to get her back, make her love me again. 8 years!" He started pacing again and I could see Veronica in my peripheral vision, her eyes were locked on me. She remembered that night, she'd been so worried she'd spent 3 days in the hospital with me. But I refused to look at her to comfort her, I couldn't. "I looked for her for months you know, my PO wouldn't give me any information and I actually thought that maybe she was in the witness protection program. You know safe and sound, new life, new name. And then, I got this in the mail."

He tossed me a newspaper article, it was her obituary. "I'd never been so devastated Lamb. Do you know how that feels? To realize you've lost something so important, something….**someone** you loved?" Actually I did, when I lost Veronica after Lilly's murder. "It's like your insides have been torn from you. Like you can't breathe and nothing is worth it anymore, I fought for almost 9 years altogether to get back to her and she's been dead for almost that entire time. This is your fault for not paying attention, for not doing your job."

He grabbed me by my throat, pushed me against the wall again and pulled something out of his back pocket holding it up. "I figured it was them, knew it was them and then I got these." They were pictures; the first one was a picture of me in the cruiser unconscious and bleeding. "And I'd been right, but I hadn't known that it was your fault until then. I can't go after them, they're already paying for their sins, but you haven't paid for yours."

He shoved the pictures in my face. "Do you have a girl Lamb? Do you have someone that you care about? Someone you'd die for?" I tried to turn my head from the images but he pulled it back. "Look at the fucking pictures! Look at what you caused!" I did and it made my stomach turn, in every one of them Katie was being beaten with a crowbar and raped by a different man in each picture. The look of pain and humiliation on her face was too much.

"I'm sorry, I swear I did all that I could!"

"Not fucking good enough! Look at these, I want you to know how it feels, I want you to understand the pain I felt. Pain like you've never felt before. I want to take from you what you took from me. I know you have someone, I know."

He was still holding the pictures, showing me new ones and soon it was Veronica in Katie's place, naked and being violated and I had to hold back my anger and disgust and pain. "Imagine her being hit, being cut, imagine her being raped, imagine multiple men ripping her apart from the inside. Because that's what's gonna happen when I find her Lamb, I'm gonna make sure she feels everything that Katie felt."

I could hear Veronica's heavy breathing, she was on the verge of tears and Keith looked like he might be sick. God this wasn't happening, it couldn't be, and the worst part was that the only thing on my mind was still Veronica in pain, being hurt and violated. It was a nightmare. But I kept my mouth shut giving him nothing, I wouldn't, couldn't fail her. "You know what I think Lamb?"

I didn't answer just kept my head turned. When I didn't answer I heard another gunshot and a low groan, I looked up the see blood pouring out of D'Amato's shoulder and saw Veronica use her sweater try and stop the bleeding. "Answer me!"

Fuck, fuck. "No! What do you think?"

And then he smiled. "I think you're hiding her from me, and I bet she's probably real pretty." Oh god, this wasn't happening. No. No. "I bet she's just perfect, huh, soft skin and lips, tight little body. I bet that when you fuck her it's like fucking heaven to you, she probably feels real good. I bet she just makes your whole life light up huh?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He let out a loud laugh that made me sick to my stomach. "Bullshit, I don't know who she is but I'll find her, can't be too hard since I'm here in a police station after all. I've got her license plate number. That silver Saturn parked in the complex behind yours doesn't belong to anyone else, and a few of your more talkative neighbors have seen a girl walking through the courtyard, not to mention the noises they hear coming from your apartment almost every night. "

Oh god. I could barley hold back the growl in my throat, and I still couldn't get rid of the image of Veronica in my head, tied to a chair, naked, surrounded by men all touching her, I thought I'd be sick. "Who is she Lamb? Tell me and I might take it easy on her."

No he wouldn't and I'd never give her up, never, I'd die first. "Fine, have it your way. I can't wait to find out how she feels; maybe I'll make you watch. Yeah, that sounds like fun, I'll find out who she is and we'll give her a call, get her down here. Make everyone here watch."

Suddenly all that was running through my mind were mental pictures of him ripping her clothes off and raping her while Keith and I watched, and I couldn't stop the tear that fell from my eye, I couldn't let it happen. No. No. No.

Then everything really went to hell. "Tell me who it is or I kill the girl." And he pointed the gun at Veronica. That was the moment I realized that he'd figured it out the minute we came out of the office, before that actually, he'd seen her car in the parking lot and knew she was here, he'd known the whole time. He'd never had any intention of torturing her the way Katie had been, his intent was to torture **me** with the thought of it.

I heard her gasp and for only a second, for one goddamn second, before I could stop myself, my eyes shifted to her.

Greeley laughed… "Yeah, that's what I thought"…and then he pulled the trigger.

To be continued….

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	8. Blood

**Clandestine (8/?)**  
**Chapter title: Blood**  
**Rating: R**  
**Summary: Lamb's death was faked. When the truth is revealed Veronica goes to see him and a secret relationship is formed.**

**Characters/Pairing: Veronica/Lamb, (Keith, Sacks, Leo, OFC)**  
**Spoilers: entire series but AU from 3X14**  
**Word Count: 1348**  
**Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars**

**This story is based on a fic request from Sweetpea2100**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted and/or favorite this fic!**

**This first part of this chapter is almost a stream of consciousness, it's a little disjointed but its meant to be. Oh and just a reminder, this is a work of fiction, so liberties are taken in regards to situations and circumstances.**

**Warning: there are events in this chapter that may be difficult to read. Please keep that in mind while reading.**

* * *

After he pulled the trigger everything seemed to move into warp speed, not slow motion like you see in the movies.

I remember the gun going off.

I remember seeing her eyes grow wide and her screaming in pain.

I remember her clutching her stomach and falling.

And I remember hearing two other screams, one from me and one from Keith.

At some point I must have shoved Greeley away, because the only thing I really truly remember is pulling her into my arms.

And then there was nothing but blood.

It was everywhere.

Covering me, her, the floor.

Everywhere I looked all I saw was blood. Her blood.

My heart was pounding out of my chest and my head was spinning.

This wasn't fair. It wasn't right.

I was praying to god it was a dream, that I was imagining it all, that my worst fear had just taken over my mind and wouldn't let go.

I cradled her to me, my hand on her stomach, trying to stop the bleeding, willing it to stop.

My other arm holding her limp body against my chest.

My lips agasint her pale forehead, and hair.

And then the words were spilling out of my mouth.

"Please don't leave me. Please don't leave me."

She opened her eyes and looked into mine. I was only partly conscious of Keith next to us, tears streaming down his face, his hand on **her **face. I looked at him and his eyes reflected my feelings, we needed to get her to the hospital, she was losing too much blood, it was covering him now too.

Greeley was just standing there laughing. "Now you know don't you? I hope you don't expect me to finish you off too. You deserve to live on and suffer, just like I have. She's better off this way." But I wasn't listening to a word he was saying, my attention was on Veronica and only Veronica.

She opened her mouth to speak and Keith took off his coat, moving my hand to apply pressure to the gun shot as I moved my blood soaked hand to her beautiful face. The crimson liquid smeared over her porcelain skin and I choked out a sob. "Baby, please don't leave me, please."

I heard Keith agreeing. "Stay with us Veronica, you're gonna be fine."

The whole time Greeley was still laughing.

Veronica finally got the words out and they broke my heart. "I'm sorry."

"No baby, there's not reason to be sorry."

"But I promised I wouldn't do anything to…." She coughed and winced in pain.

"He knew Veronica, he already knew, he knew the minute he got here today. It's ok, it's ok. Just stay with me."

She turned her head and looked at Keith. "I'm sorry we didn't tell you daddy."

He shook his head and wiped the tears. "It's ok, I've known for months and I understand why you didn't tell me, you were happy and that's what mattered."

I could actually feel her slipping and I wanted to scream. The love of my life was dying in my arms and there was nothing I could do to stop it. "Veronica, just hold on, we're gonna get you some help, I promise baby and then you and I are gonna tell the whole world about us. I love you."

Her eyelids fluttered and she coughed again. "I love you too, both of you."

Her eyes opened slightly and I looked down at her through pain and tear filled eyes. "You can't leave me baby. You can't. Just stay for a little while, just stay, talk to me."

She opened her mouth and no sound came out so I started talking to her. "I love you Veronica. You got what you wanted, everyone knows now. No more hiding, I'm all yours, always have been, but now its official. I want you to come live with me, you practically already do anyways. I want to wake up every morning next to you. And I'm gonna marry you, as soon as possible, let you make an honest man out of me; I only ever wanted it to be you. And we're gonna have tons of babies, as many as you want. We'll fill one of those 09er mansions with them if you want. And we're gonna be happy and we're gonna love each other until were old and gray."

This time she was able to choke out a reply. "I'm gonna hold you to that." She smiled but her body convulsed and blood started pouring out of her even more and I was positive that I was dying right along with her.

"You do that baby girl. You can have whatever you want, anything, you just stay here. Stay with me. Stay with your dad. You've got too many people who love you, who depend on you. **I** love you."

Her next words were a whisper and I didn't hear them, so I leaned closer and so did Keith. All I heard was "In my boot." My gun, I'd completely forgotten about my gun and that reminder was all that I needed.

I looked up at Keith and without a single bit of verbal communication he rose from the ground slowly and walked towards Greeley.

He was still laughing, watching in enjoyment and hadn't paid attention to Keith advancing on him. Keith got in one good punch before Greeley raised the gun, but Keith's distraction was all the chance I needed. I pulled the gun from her boot and fired three shots, hitting him twice in the chest and once in the neck.

As the bullets connected with him his grin faded and his eyes grew wide, he fell to his knees and shakily pointed the gun at me. As he went to pull the trigger Keith tackled him to the ground and the bullet grazed Keith's arm. Once Greeley was down, Keith kicked the two guns away and once again I focused on the woman in my arms.

I dropped the gun and was only partly aware of Sacks calling 911 and untying everyone as Keith ran back to us. But I didn't pay attention to any of that, I just held her closer and rocked her nearly lifeless body.

I turned her to look at me. "It's ok baby girl, we got him. You're gonna be ok."

She smiled again and took a deep breath. "Good boy, I'm proud of you baby. I love you."

"I love you too." I leaned in and kissed her but when I pulled back her eyes were closing and I could feel her breathing slow. "No! No! Oh god, no Veronica! I won't let you go!"

She didn't open her eyes when I yelled for her and I knew we didn't have time to wait for the ambulance. So with the last bit of strength I had left, I pulled her from the floor and ran towards the door with Keith hot on our heels.

I got into his cruiser with her in my arms and he floored it. She was unresponsive the entire time, her lips were turning blue and I could barely find a pulse.

It was the worst moment of my life and I just prayed to God that he'd show us some mercy.

By the time we made it to the hospital she'd been unconscious for almost 10 minutes. I was losing her. I could feel it inside and it hurt more than I ever imagined something could. Greeley had been right, pain like I'd never felt before

When we got to the hospital there were nurses and doctors waiting with a stretcher and they took her from me. I tried to follow not wanting to leave her but they wouldn't let me and Keith and I just stood there in front of the swinging ER doors, covered in her blood and just watching as they wheeled her away from us. Both of us scared to death that it was for the last time.

To be continued............

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Thanks for reading! Review please!


	9. Waiting

**Clandestine (9/?)**  
**Chapter title: Waiting**  
**Rating: R**  
**Summary: Lamb's death was faked. When the truth is revealed Veronica goes to see him and a secret relationship is formed.**

**Characters/Pairing: Veronica/Lamb, Keith, and many other VM Characters**  
**Spoilers: entire series but AU from 3X14**  
**Word Count: 1578**  
**Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars**

**This story is based on a fic request from Sweetpea2100**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted and/or favorite this fic!**

**I'm feeling a little lukewarm about this chapter, i dont love it, but i dont hate it, and its really kind of a transitionaly chapter showing the immediate aftermath of those in Veronica's life, most importantly Don and Keith but it will lead directly into the next chapter. just a reminder, this is a work of fiction, so liberties are taken in regards to situations and circumstances.**

* * *

It was the longest wait of my life.

Keith and I just sat there for what felt like forever with no word. The nurses and doctors wouldn't tell us anything other than that she was in surgery. Not even any comforting words like 'she'll be ok' or 'I'm sure it'll be alright,' just 'we won't know till she's out of surgery.'

So I just sat there with her father, my friend, and stared at the doors, still praying for a miracle but scared to death that she was already gone.

I knew it wasn't good; I wasn't stupid, I saw the wound it was right above her navel and I saw the amount of blood she lost. There was more a chance of her leaving me than staying and it hurt like hell. But even if she stayed I worried about the repercussions. I was positive it was higher but what if the bullet did too much damage, would she be unable to have children? I knew she wanted them, we'd discussed it and I'd promised them to her as she'd lain bleeding in my arms. What if I lied to her? What if it wasn't possible now?

No, I refused to even think it. She'd have babies, even if we had to adopt she'd have them.

After two hours of no word I started to get antsy and started pacing. Keith just watched for the longest time and then when a doctor came in to give us an update on D'Amato, who'd been brought in by the ambulance, he grabbed my arm and pulled me down into the chair.

The bullet Greeley put in Leo's shoulder went clean through and he'd make a full recovery, it was happy news but soured by the fact that we still knew nothing of the petite blonde that was the center of our worlds.

When the doctor left Keith finally spoke the first words we'd said to each other since we left the station.

"You need to know that I meant what I said; I'm not mad you didn't tell me. I wish you had, but I do understand."

I turned to him, still dazed from the events of the day and tried to smile but it just wouldn't take. "Thanks. I appreciate that Keith. And I know that Ver…Veron.." I tried so hard to say her name but just couldn't get the words out, it hurt too much. "I know that she'd be happy to hear that too."

He turned to me with tears in his eyes and I saw a slight smile on his face. "How long? I've known for a few months, but I didn't know for sure until the day you came to me about the letters. The look on your face when I suggested bringing her in sold me on it. But I haven't been able to figure out **when** it started."

I took a deep breath and sighed. "Honestly Keith, I don't know when, it's always been there. But I guess you could say that we gave in when I got home from the hospital 10 months ago. She came to see me that night. Told me she'd been miserable having thought I'd died and I'd felt the same way thinking she hadn't wanted to see me. Both of us just couldn't keep it in anymore, couldn't hide or deny the feelings. I've always loved her, can't remember a time that I didn't to be honest."

Keith shook his head and smiled. "Well I'm losing my touch then, 10 months and I didn't figure it out until 4 months ago."

I tried to return the smile but I still just couldn't. Not until I knew, not until I saw her, felt her, and never again if I lost her. "You haven't lost your touch Keith, she's just really good. You taught her well."

"Yeah, I guess I did. I just wish she hadn't been afraid to tell me. It's obvious that you two have been planning a future; I wish she felt she could tell me, or wanted to tell me. I guess I should just be happy that she found someone so willing to keep her safe that he hid his feelings from the outside world"

He put his hand on my shoulder squeezing it and I about broke down again. He needed to know everything and I was tired of hiding. "She wanted to tell you. That's why she was at the station this morning….we've been talking about it for awhile and we were gonna go public until I got the letters. Everything was fine for awhile and she wasn't pushing and then Mac figured it out and handled it a lot better than we expected. That was when she decided she wanted to tell you. That was a month ago."

He nodded and sighed. "But you couldn't because if anyone knew it would put her in danger."

"Yeah, she wanted you to know, so did I, she was gonna leave me if we didn't tell you. She was pretty sure you already knew too. She loves and adores you like I've never seen. I wish I had a parent like you."

He smiled again and stood up walking towards the doors and then turned around abruptly. "You do. And someday, you'll make it official, I'm sure of it. She'll make it through this, she's tough and she won't give up, especially now that she's finally found happiness. You're gonna get your chance to love her out loud as they say." He didn't give me a chance to respond, he'd basically just given us his blessing and me her hand in marriage when I asked and I was pretty sure it was a hint so I wasn't sure I could even form words. But he just turned and walked outside. "I need to make a few calls."

I knew that what he said should have made me feel better, but it didn't. She was still fighting for her life and I still hadn't heard a word.

* * *

Keith retuned about 20 minutes later and within 5 more minutes, familiar faces began popping up. The first to arrive was Mac who surprisingly gave me a huge tear-filled hug and sat down next to me holding my hand.

Cliff showed next, followed by the Fennels and Eli Navarro. Most of them kept their distance at first, but Wallace eventually offered me an olive branch in the form of a handshake and it seemed to ease the tension. The waiting two-some had grown and we all just sat there waiting and hoping.

I was honestly shocked by the apparent ease of the situation, I was sure that at least one of them would throw a punch of some sort. But they all seemed to understand that she was happy and I was what made her happy. She'd been right. They'd never intrude on that and it just killed me even more inside. What if she never got to see this? What if she never got to truly enjoy her happiness?

Things didn't get ugly until Logan Echolls burst through the door. He was on me before anyone could stop him and got in three good punches to my jaw, nose and gut before Navarro and Keith pulled him off. The blood from my newly broken nose began to mix with Veronica's dried blood still on my clothes and I nearly stopped breathing as I looked down; it was like it was fresh again, like it had just happened and the hurt was back in full force.

I couldn't even defend myself, because without her; nothing mattered and I lost it. Tears sprang to my eyes, I could barely breathe and I just crouched there on the ground as he yelled at me.

"This is all your fucking fault! If you'd just left her alone! If you hadn't fucking touched her! If she dies…" And then he broke down too. He hit the floor on his knees and as Mac held onto me and tried to stop my nose from bleeding, Wallace grabbed onto Logan and reasoned with him.

"Logan, it's not his fault, he tried to save her, he almost gave her up to keep her safe. She loves him Logan and he loves her too, he'd do anything for her."

Logan looked at him and realization stretched over his face. That was the moment that I stopped hating Logan Echolls. How could I hate someone that loved her so much? That loved her as much as I did. He wasn't a threat, he was an ally, another man that would move mountains to keep her alive and well.

He'd never have her all to himself again, he knew that now and I was sure that was what the outburst was about, but it didn't matter. From that moment on we would have a common goal, her safety and well being.

But I realized that none of this changed anything when I looked over at Keith still covered in her blood and her friends and family in sheer torture over what was happening. She was still hurt and we still hadn't heard anything.

We could reconcile and form bonds, but if we lost her….no one in that room would survive it.

And then out of nowhere, as I sat there on the floor of the waiting room, a strange feeling overtook me; I could swear that I felt her next to me.

to be continued...

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**Thanks for reading! Review please!**

**So this chapter was originally longer but I decided to split it into two chapters. The reason for this…I have yet to write the final chapter for this story, so it was either post this chapter in full and make you guys wait for possibly more than a week for the final update, or split this into two chapters and hopefully get the final chapter written within the next two weeks so there wont be ample waiting between updates. So yeah I went with option two, cuz I hate making you guys wait if i don't have to.**


	10. Perception

**Clandestine (10/?)**  
**Chapter title: Perception**  
**Rating: R**  
**Summary: Lamb's death was faked. When the truth is revealed Veronica goes to see him and a secret relationship is formed.**

**Characters/Pairing: Veronica/Lamb, and other VM characters**  
**Spoilers: entire series but AU from 3X14**  
**Word Count: 2338**  
**Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars**

**This story is based on a fic request from Sweetpea2100**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted and/or favorite this fic!**

**Oh and just a reminder, this is a work of fiction, so liberties are taken in regards to situations and circumstances.**

**This chapter is a little different, I like to do chapters like this sometimes to explore different ideas. It's from Veronica's POV and there are two ways you can look at it; either this really is happening…or this is Veronica's mind trying to work through what is happening to her. regardless of how you choose to look at the events in this chapter I do hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

It was a strange feeling at first.

I felt weightless and hazy. But the pain was gone. And that was what surprised me, it had been unbearable what felt like only seconds before and then it was gone. I figured that I must be in the hospital and on some serious pain killers.

But when I opened my eyes I found myself sitting in the back of my dad's cruiser and staring at Don and my dad, but most importantly myself.

Don was holding me to him with tears in his eyes, they both looked stricken and I was slumped against him unconscious and bleeding. Both of them were covered in crimson from holding me at the station and if I could have felt my body, I'm sure my head would have hurt like hell from the horror and confusion I was feeling.

Was I dead? Had I left him already?

No, no it wouldn't be fair. Not when I finally got what I'd always wanted and not when he'd promised me so much. No, I loved him too much to leave him. This had to be a dream.

I felt like I was crying but there were no tears and I tried to touch him, feel him, but my hand went right through him. It made my heart, or I guess my soul, ache even more.

I'd never really believed in all that spiritual shit, at least not until Lilly died and then I saw her ghost so many times that I kind of had to, but this…this was just strange. It was like an out of body experience, I was a spectator of my own demise and I didn't like it, seeing the pain Don and my father were in was the worst thing I'd ever experienced.

I followed them into the hospital not needing to open any doors and that was probably the weirdest thing of all, walking straight through the car door and not feeling a thing.

I wanted to stay with Don, hold him, tell him it would be ok and that I loved him. But as I stood by his side I suddenly found myself in the room with doctors and nurses, busily working on my broken body. I tried to get to him but something kept forcing me back.

So I had to stand there and watch as they removed my clothes, which even considering the circumstances was embarrassing to watch. I hated being naked in front of people, well anyone other than Don, and there I was, lifeless, bleeding and stark naked in a room full of medical professionals. I was actually happy that I wasn't awake for that and then I felt like kicking my mass-less self for thinking it. I was dying and being naked shouldn't have been an issue in the least. Their ability to save me should have been all I was thinking of.

And then it was like I blinked and I found myself in an operating room watching a surgeon cut me open and I was still crying nonexistent tears.

My mind was running wild with thoughts of Don and my friends. The future we'd planned that might not happen now and I felt like falling to the ground but I couldn't, I was forced to just watch.

When the beeping started and the body I was in began to take corporeal form, the doctors were frantic. My heart had stopped, I really was dying and then out of nowhere I was shapeless again as they got me back and I sighed a breath of relief. I was gonna live, I **had** to live.

I just stood there as they tried everything they could, the whole time thinking of nothing but the life that Don and I were going to have, no matter what I had to do to get it, and the fact that I hated myself for keeping us a secret for so long. We wasted so much time that we'd never get back, especially if I didn't make it. What had I been thinking? Clandestine relationships never ended well. And sure, you could argue that this might have happened sooner if we were common knowledge, but in my heart and soul that didn't matter.

The clock seemed to speed up suddenly and it was like everything was on fast forward. My heart stopped one more time and my shape hardened and disappeared again like the first time. It wasn't until they finally closed me up and wheeled me out of the room that I noticed someone was standing next to me. Someone like me, but not, solid but invisible.

When I turned they smiled. "It's really a pity Veronica; you developed a seriously hot body. Kinda sucks that I had to see it for the first time covered in blood."

My breath hitched and if I could have passed out I would have. "Lilly?"

She shrugged and smirked. "The one and only, Ronica. So, you and Lambikins huh? Saw that one coming for years, have to say you waited longer than I would have though."

I was in so much shock from her presence that I didn't notice the scenery change again. But this time I wasn't in the room with my body, I was in the waiting room. Everyone was there, Mac was comforting Don and then all of a sudden Logan burst through the door and started hitting him. I jumped and tried to grab Lamb but my arms went right through him and Lilly grabbed me back. Wait. "How come YOU can touch **me**? But **I** can't touch anybody else."

She smiled again and plopped down in a chair enjoying the scene in front of her as Wallace appealed to Logan. "Gee Mars and I thought you were the smart one. We're both other worldly, you might not be dead yet but you're close and that means you're halfway between joining me and staying with them. Fun ain't it?"

I looked at her in shock. "No Lilly, it's not fun. I don't want... I can't... I'm not ready to leave."

She nodded and hopped back up wrapping her arms around me. "You know, I knew all along that you and Logan would hook up. He was never right for me. I knew that, he knew that. If I hadn't died I'd have married Weevil."

I choked on a needless breath and she laughed. "Shocking I know. But it's true. The funny thing is that either way…you started with Logan but you ended up with Don. You and Logan were never gonna last. Too much history and you'd never overcome it, unfortunately I was the reason for that both ways. But you would always be the best of friends in the end. The sad part is that in either universe he never really gets over you. Sure, he moves on but never loves anyone the way he loves you."

What the fuck. "God damn it Lilly, can we stop with the 'Veronica Mars this COULD be your life' shit? This is serious. I'm dying, I'm leaving all the people I love, and you of all people should understand that feeling."

She just laughed again and grabbed my hand pulling me over to Don. God, he looked so broken and once again all I wanted to do was hold him. "Well actually, we're a little different in that respect. You see I was **supposed** to die young. Even in the future with Eli I didn't make it past 23, of course my death wasn't as brutal that way, but oh well; at least I went out in style."

Fuck, seriously? "Lilly, you slept with your boyfriend's father and he killed you...that is **not** going out in style, that's going out in stupidity. So just get to the goddamn point. I'm sick of this, I need, I WANT answers."

She stood up straight and crossed her arms. "Well look who grew a backbone. Have to say I kinda like the person you've turned into. I loved the old you but this one is just way more fun."

And with that I was beyond fed up. "God Lilly, shut up! It's your fault that I became this person." I crouched in front of Don and brought my hand as close to his cheek as possible and spoke to him. "I love you, don't worry baby I'm not leaving you." And I swear I saw him flinch and he looked around. I turned back to Lilly wide eyed. "Did he? Can he hear me?"

"No, not really, but he can sense you, your connection to him is strong. Like the one you and I had. How you could still see me at times, feel my presence. Its how he is feeling now."

I looked into his eyes again, ran my fingers over his chest and he shuddered. "Its ok baby. It's all going to be ok. I …"

Lilly interrupted me. "You sound so sure. Maybe you shouldn't give him false hope."

And that just pissed me off beyond belief and as I stepped towards her the room changed again and we were in the post surgery room with my body. I was tired of the bullshit. "What's going on Lilly? Tell me, I want to know. Do I have a choice? Can I pick to stay or go? Cuz If I can choose, I choose him. Always will. What's the fucking angle here?"

Lilly smiled coyly and hoped up on my bed running her fingers through my hair as I looked on. "Well if you hadn't gotten all mushy back there with lover boy I would have finished. But noooo, it's all about him. Just like it used to be. You know I used to hate that. I was important too, you know."

"Fuck! Knock it off! Everything was all about you and you know it. Everyone just fucking fawned all over you no matter what, so don't fucking pull a pity party on me. If you know why I'm stuck here tell me."

She may have been a ghost and I may have been half dead but that was the first time I'd ever seen her look proud of me. "Yep, I definitely like the new you. And since you're so pushy I guess I'll cut to the chase. Like I said before. You two end up together, you're like meant to be together or something. And unlike me, you aren't supposed to die young. It's the reason you keep narrowly escaping death every time you go too far or won't let something go. Its cuz it's not meant to be."

What? "Ok, so if it's not my time, then what is happening now, why am I dying?"

"Because Ronniekins, this one….wasn 't on the books, someone somewhere in celestial book keeping seriously fucked up. You weren't supposed to be anywhere near that station today. So right now you're in limbo. Think of it as waiting for an arraignment. You've been essentially locked up until someone can appeal your case."

"That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard."

She shrugged and smiled. "It may be dumb, but it's the fucking way it is. You gotta wait. But I mean at least they sent me right? They could have sent anyone. And seriously Ronnie, I thought you'd be happy to see me."

And fuck if that didn't make me feel like shit. "god Lil, I'm sorry, I am, but you have to realize that I've just been torn from my life, from those I love and I'm not ready to leave him…I mean them."

She giggled and hopped off the bed to come over and give me a hug. "Yeah yeah, you mean him. And for the record, I knew you were happy to see me. I just felt like giving you a little shit."

"Gee thanks Lil, I'm lying on my death bed and verbal hi-jinxs are your way of making me feel better about it."

She went to speak but was silenced when they wheeled me out of the room and into a private room. And then once again time sped up and we found ourselves standing in the corner of the room and watching Don sit next to the bed and grab my hand. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from him. I tried baby. I tried so hard and I failed. This is all my fault. You can't leave me Veronica. I'm nothing without you. You make me feel complete; always have and I meant everything I said to you, anything you want is yours. Your dad even gave us his blessing." He squeezed my hand and a fresh crop of tears fell from his eyes. "See baby, now you have to be ok. You have to. We can be together now. Come back to me."

"How long will this appeal take Lilly? I need to get back to him. I can't believe my life is in the hands of a bunch of spiritual bureaucrats right now."

She laughed and put her arm around me again. "Well to be honest I don't know, hours, days, weeks, could be months."

"No. god this can't be happening." I just stared at Don, my soul aching still and when I reached for him again, he shivered.

"I know that's you baby girl. I know it, and I love you for it but it's time to come back to me. It's time to jump back into your tiny little self and tell me how big an ass I'm being right now. Tell me to man up and quit crying. It's time for you to come back so I can tell you how much I love you."

I looked at Lilly. "God Lilly I have to go…" and then the beeping started again and I felt tears on my face. Oh no. "Lilly am I?"

She looked concerned and her voice came out in a choked whisper. "Oh god Veronica, I'm sorry."

To be continued…..

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**Thanks for reading! Review please!**

**So the next chapter will be the last for this fic, it will be an epilogue of sorts.**


	11. Pretty Damn Close

**Clandestine (11/11)**  
**Chapter title: Pretty Damn Close**  
**Rating: R**  
**Summary: Lamb's death was faked. When the truth is revealed Veronica goes to see him and a secret relationship is formed.**

**Characters/Pairing: Veronica/Lamb, and other VM characters**  
**Spoilers: entire series but AU from 3X14**  
**Word Count: 2108**  
**Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars**

**This story is based on a fic request from Sweetpea2100**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted and/or favorite this fic!**

**A/N: So this is the final chapter for this fic and it includes an epilogue at the end. Just to be clear on dates for this fic, Veronica and Lamb got together 6 months after his accident in august right after her 20th birthday, she was shot 10 months later, so in June about 2 months before her 21st birthday and between her sophomore and junior year at Hearst.**

**Oh and just a reminder, this is a work of fiction, so liberties are taken in regards to situations and circumstances.**

* * *

As we have seen from the hundreds of love stories conducted in a clandestine nature they almost always end in bloodshed and untimely death.

This was no exception in the case of my daughter and her love. But unlike the majority of the literary, historical and mythical couples; my daughter had an advantage.

She was not the fictional concoction of some author sitting in their office writing a doomed love story. She was not a historical princess, duchess or even peasant who fell for the wrong man and paid for it with her life. And she was not a fairy or goddess whose trials, tribulations and punishments were used to deter others from following in her footsteps.

My daughter was a real, true human being who fell in love with a man that would have given his life if it meant she could keep hers. And her will to live and to love this man surpassed all obstacles.

So while I'm happy I did not predict this plot twist, I should have known that my daughter would refuse to concede to the norm. She'd never done it in any other aspect of her life, so I was a fool to think she'd succumb to such a tragic end.

* * *

As I held her hand I couldn't get over how still she was.

In all the time I'd known her, all the moments I'd been in her presence, even the ones spent with her asleep in my arms, I'd never seen her so still.

But even though she seemed lifeless, she was still there, maybe not completely but she was and that was the only thing getting me through.

I could still feel her with me, at times just her presence, at others her arms around me and as much as I appreciated her attempts to calm me, it wasn't enough because I didn't want her there is spirit, I wanted her there in body. It was time for her to come back to me.

As I spoke to her, telling her how I felt, that I loved her, that Keith had given us his blessing and that it was time for her to wake up and tell me to buck up I was scared to death that she wouldn't listen. The surgery had been a success, fixing the major damage to her stomach and intestines, but the secondary damage done to her reproductive organs hadn't been dealt with and couldn't be until she was more stable. When they told me that there was a possibility that even if she did survive she might not be able to have children I felt my promises to her fading and couldn't hide the tears. But the worst was the fact that there was still a good chance that she might leave us. The doctors had said that if she made it through the next 24 hours she'd be ok, but she hadn't woken up and was still in critical condition and neither of those facts boded well.

So I did the only thing I could, I stayed by her side, held her hand, and talked to her. And for awhile I felt like maybe I was getting through to her, or at least hoped that I was and I swear that I could feel the warmth re-entering her body. But then suddenly it was gone and the machines were beeping and people were flooding the room and pushing me out of the way.

I just stood there to the side in shock and terror as the doctors and nurses tried for 15 minutes to get her heartbeat back. 15 minutes spent with my heart breaking and the feeling of her nonexistent arms holding me tight. I was silently begging for god to help us, to let her stay, to bring her back. She deserved a good happy life, after everything she'd gone through it wasn't fair for her to lose her life so soon.

The one thing I knew for sure was that the sound of that steady beep would haunt me forever. But nothing compared to how I felt when they said she was gone. It wasn't possible it just wasn't. I lost it right then and there as I dropped to the ground. I couldn't allow them to just walk away from her and I actually found myself begging them to keep trying, the whole time I could feel her arms around me, giving me strength as I appealed them. They gave it one more try and when the defibrillator made contact with her and her tiny body shook I couldn't stop the tears, there was still nothing and I could still feel her holding me.

As they went to shock her again I thought I might die right along with her.

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6 months later

It was late and I was exhausted, it had been 6 months and things still weren't much better. The worry still had its hold on me and there were days where I almost didn't even want to get out of bed, let alone leave the house.

As I walked through my apartment I sighed at the boxes, the move wasn't helping; it was just added stress that I wasn't handling. But I needed to be strong I'd promised her I would be.

I stepped quietly through the brown cardboard maze and when I entered my bedroom I undressed before sliding between the sheets and rolling onto my side. I smiled as I stared at the blonde who hadn't stirred with my arrival. She'd gotten used to my late arrivals and long shifts over the previous few months so I wasn't surprised that she hadn't woken up. After the shooting there had been an surge in crime with the Sheriff and Chief of Police out of commission and it took us months to get a handle on things. Keith and I'd had our hands full trying to balance work and caring for Veronica, our mutual obsession with her health and safety being worse than ever.

The shooting luckily hadn't had any long term physical effects for her and after the second surgery and a few weeks in the hospital she was ready to come home. In truth it was the emotional aspects that we'd had the hardest time dealing with. We'd lost her three times that night, twice in the OR and once while I was in the room with her. They'd been about to give up on her but I'd begged them not to and they gave it one more try before calling the time of death. I swear that when I heard that steady beep turn into separate ones on the machine I nearly had a heart attack myself. But even after getting her back she still didn't wake up right away. She was out of critical care on day two and was taken in for the second surgery that night. Luckily both surgeries had been a success and when she awoke after 3 days of unconsciousness she found Keith and I, who had not left her side the whole time, next to her and we were able to tell her with confidence that she'd be fine.

As happy as she was to hear that she was going to make a full recovery, she still seemed to be apprehensive for the first few weeks. She was affectionate and loving, kissing me and letting me hold her every second she could and I swear that if she could have super-glued me to her side she would have. But as wonderful as that was, it felt like she didn't think it was real and once she was released and came home with me, I decided it was time to pry. When I'd asked her she'd looked almost guilty, but I soon realized that it wasn't guilt, it was uncertainty. She told me what she remembered, which wasn't a lot, but the main thing was Lilly, she swore Lilly was there with her while she was dying. She was afraid I'd think she was crazy and that there was something wrong with her. But I alleviated all of those worries when I told her I'd felt her with me. That conversation ended in the bedroom where we made love for the first time since the day she was shot.

After that things began to improve for her and for us. We bought a small house on the outskirts of the 09'er district, spent 3 months fixing it up to our liking and were finally in the process of moving in.

But despite all the good, I still struggled with the memory of that day, the day I'd almost lost her and I swear to this day that I'll never let it come to that again. So as I laid there with my hand on her belly tracing the small scar, the only physical reminder of the biggest nightmare of my life, I was once again thanking god for letting her stay with me. It's amazing how a two inch scar can remind you of such horror, such pain. Sometimes even with her next to me it still almost seemed too good to be true.

I was so focused on the small scar that marred her perfect skin that I didn't know she'd woken up until I felt a hand on my cheek and I turned to see her smiling face.

I pulled her tank back down over her belly and cupped her face with my hand as I leaned my body over hers and took her lips. When I pulled back she was slightly breathless but still smiling. "You think too much."

I couldn't help but laugh at the comment that'd become a favorite of hers over the previous months. And she was right, thinking was something I did too often instead of living and I needed to stop. I leaned in to kiss her again and she sighed when I pulled away. "I know, I know. I love you."

"I love you too." Veronica smiled and placed her hand over mine as it rested on her now covered belly. "I wonder what that's going to look like in a few more months."

I stared at her for a second, confused by her comment before answering. "Babe, the doctor said it would fade over time, remember? It'll probably be almost invisible by then."

She gave me her infamous smirk and turned onto her side before sidling up closer to me and wrapping her arms around me. Mine circled her tiny frame as well as she took a deep breath. "Well yeah, in normal circumstances it would, but I'm a little worried about it getting bigger as I get bigger."

I started to laugh at her uncharacteristically vain comment before her meaning hit me and my jaw dropped. "What?"

She kissed me quickly and pressed our hands against her taut belly. "I'm kinda hoping for a boy. How about you?"

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Epilogue

That night had been the turning point for us. There was no more living in the past, no more worrying, we didn't have that option anymore because it wasn't just us we were living for. From that night on we only looked towards the future.

7 months and 10 days later our son was born, 5 months after that we got married in a small ceremony in our backyard and within another 3 months she was pregnant again.

The next few years were with filled with more changes and all for the better. We moved into a larger house shortly after our second son was born and then spent 3 years trying for another baby and having no luck until a drunken New Years Eve brought us the conception of our third child, finally a girl.

Veronica graduated with honors with a Bachelor's Degree from Hearst at the age of 22 and again with a Master's Degree at the age of 25. She opened a photography studio with Mac at the age of 26 and they have become one of the most successful studios in Southern California. As for me, well when Keith retired I took over as Chief of Police and Sacks was promoted to Sheriff. But as exciting as all of that was, we were never happier than we were at home with each other and our children.

Life became easier than either of us had ever believed it could be and while we both knew that life would never be a fairy tale, we couldn't deny the fact that we'd been blessed by something pretty damn close.

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Thanks for reading! Review please!

A/N: I'm sorry it took me so long to get this posted. This chapter about killed me, no matter what I wrote I hated it, but thanks to some help from Sweetpea2100 I'm much happier with it now. So enjoy, and thanks for sticking with this fic.

And don't forget to vote on my DoVe fic poll!


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